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The Moon and I
Contributed by
catz77
on
Tuesday, 6th November 2007 @ 06:23:21 AM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
My moon it’s so full
Bright
And far away
Far away
But it smiles
At me
Invites me for a walk
My eyes and the moon
Shine together
It is insignificant
To the great fiery sun
But it is why I love it so
So we walk together
The moon and I
And when the moon departs
I am left alone
Copyright ©
catz77
... [
2007-11-06 06:23:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Moon and I
(User Rating: 1 )
by twick on
Tuesday, 6th November 2007 @ 10:35:42 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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I liked this poem
but The lines: "It is insignificant to the great fiery sun" just don't seem to fit. All the other lines seem complete on their own but those three lines seem dependent on one another and it alters the flow.
It does the same at the end but it fits there, as to complete your thought. Also it seems weird that you start it as "my moon" instead of the moon. It's totally your choice but I think it would make your poem stronger. Even if you were like, "the moon, my moon"
I did really like it though, especially the concept of using the moon and it's connotations. |
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Re: The Moon and I
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sunday_Theory on
Thursday, 27th December 2007 @ 09:57:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I thought this piece was beautifully written.
both its imagery and meaning speak loudly.
nice write. |
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