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Real-Time Anxiety Attack
Contributed by
ed
on
Thursday, 6th March 2003 @ 06:00:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
As I start to write my head is spinning.
I need to do something.
Will this pen and paper be the therapy?
Books haven't worked.
T.V hasn't worked.
Doing nothing hasn't worked.
I think I'm in the middle of an anxiety attack.
I feel I'm halfway into dying.
My head feels tight.
Remember to breath.
Subconscious actions have become conscious.
One little black thought has spiraled out of control.
Tens, Hundreds and thousands of little black thoughts.
Tens, Hundreds and thousands of big black thoughts.
Unprofound black thoughts.
Self obsessed, self analytical black thoughts.
Is the blood flowing to my head?
Is this the priliminary stages of some deadly disease
Or maybe even the final stage?
All I need is someone to talk to.
Reassurance, air and self contentment.
I need to keep telling myself:
This is a psycological disease
Not a physical illness.
Keep telling yourself this Ed.
You're not dying.
You're just psychologically genetically unsound.
I'm starting to feel more at ease.
I no longing think I'm dying.
My breathing seems to be working.
****, I've remembered my breathing!
Thinking about it spirals the black thoughts that spiral.
It's getting out of control.
I'm struggling to type.
Give me a minute.......
I'm back.
Lets relax.
In and out, in and out.
I feel like a midwife and a mother all at once.
Lets forget about those black thoughts.
Lets go on a journey.
Where to I do not know.
Dearest readers, I'm sure one of you can relate to this?
This can be perfectly normal right?
Thanks for reading this.
By the time you've read it I'll be fine.
This manic rambling is really helping.
Why am I this way?
Perhaps someone can help?
I knolw it's genetics all all that ****.
Perhaps I should'nt have missed my pills?
It's quite embarrasing really.
I'm not after anyones sympathy.
I'm a very lucky victim of circumstance in most respects.
I'm grateful for my loving family,
Grateful for my security, nationality, abilities and traits.
I wouldn't want to be anyone else.
I am so grateful.
Millions of people struggle to find water
Whilst I manic ramble in bed, on my laptop, smoking rollies and drinking as much as I want.
Actually, is this the downside of being a comfortable westerner?
With so called comfortable westernerness comes a whole new set of personal challenges.
Whereas the ethiopian struggles to find water,
The capitalistic Brit struggles with sanity?
Perhaps I am unlucky.
Don't mistake this for self pitying.
The struggle to fing water amongst Gods naturalness may be more appealing?
Thanks again for reading this.
Or maybe unlucky if you have got this far.
This is really helping
This is really soothing.
My black thoughts are de-spiralling.
****, I shouln't have said that.
Change the subject Ed.
I'm getting babtised on Sunday!
Entering the House of God.
Once I was having a similar attack to this,
A real bad one, asking friends to call ambulances and stuff,
And I prayed to God as a sort of last resort before I gave up.
Suddenly everything calmed down and I felt and real tingling senstion running through my veins.
I do this often now hence my forthcoming babtism.
I sometimes feel quilt because I often only pray in these circumstances.
Do I only pray for myself?
Whether God actually helped me or it was psychological remain to be seen.
But who can argue with a higher authority?
Religion is a good thing.
But hasn't religion caused many a war?
Sorry to ramble on but I'm scared to stop.
This is therapy.
I haven't taken my medication today or yesterday (lost it)
Could this be the root of the problem?
Sertraline, Has anyone heard of it?
It's just a common anti-depressant
But I don't think you should mess with it.
I not proud to be on it.
I'm not ashamed to be on it.
I'm only telling you cause I need to and none of you know me so I don't really care what you think.
However, tonight manic typing was my medication.
It has sorted me out
On that note I bid you goodnight.
I hope theres no part two.
If you are reading this now:
Well done
Thanks
A round of applause to you
I owe you a drink
I think you probably need a drink
Goodnight Godbless God save the Queen.
Thanks, Ed xxxxxx
Copyright ©
ed
... [
2003-03-06 06:00:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Real-Time Anxiety Attack
(User Rating: 1 )
by mblondiepink on
Thursday, 6th March 2003 @ 06:22:27 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I hope typing helped you. I have panic attacks but I can never seem to calm myself down. Someone who knows me really well has to calm me down and remind me to breathe. I can completely relate. |
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Re: Real-Time Anxiety Attack
(User Rating: 1 )
by tease_whizz on
Thursday, 6th March 2003 @ 07:39:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| wow, i can tell your mind was really racing but theres a lot of deep, clear thinking in there too. interesting write, keep them coming, Kate x |
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Re: Real-Time Anxiety Attack
(User Rating: 1 )
by Percursors on
Thursday, 6th March 2003 @ 08:11:36 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| good write.... |
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Re: Real-Time Anxiety Attack
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wrybod on
Friday, 7th March 2003 @ 10:41:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Ed, Well I promised I'd come and read some of yours but I think I had better book some of next week to complete the "task" if they are anything like this one.
First thing to bear in mind is that the develop[ment of our brain has far outstripped it's context. Our anatomy is still the basic frame of a spieces designed to survive on this planet. The sensual imput is merely that of a creature incredibly aware of it's envirnment,
sounds, smells, movements, temperature etc. etc. but with a vast excess of power we call imagination. (like having a jet engine fitted in a family saloon car..) It can't handle it!
So what do you do?
1)Take your foot of the throttle
2)Get off the twisty sideroads and onto the motorway
£)Find a route you know well and stick to it
4)Plan a nice trip to somewhere you like a lot and know well
Get the idea........with all that power you need
better control or you're going to have a nasty accident..
Oh and read a lot of Wrybod particularly "No Exceptions" one of my earlier ones. |
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Re: Real-Time Anxiety Attack
(User Rating: 1 )
by LadyDama on
Monday, 10th March 2003 @ 04:33:22 AM AEST
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| brilliant... write this stuff out... kudos to you ed... |
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Re: Real-Time Anxiety Attack
(User Rating: 1 )
by wolfflow on
Monday, 17th March 2003 @ 05:33:12 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| interesting write, interesting read, but hey mines a pint of bud |
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