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Paralysis
Contributed by
zenmind
on
Thursday, 18th October 2007 @ 12:35:48 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
All this happened, more or less--
our sweat dissolved after inching past
the broken train, which stood alone half-way
off its track.
We slowed our pace
until standing still--we peered into it.
The cold grey chamber spoke to us,
though we didn't know its story
we felt drawn there like kids in horror films
stepping into abandoned houses.
Maybe it was the darkness
that attracted us more than the machine.
Blacker than black, we lost sense
of everything including each other
until I didn't know who I was.
I was a memory and the only thing real
was the blind texture of awareness.
Hightened senses stole attention
from thoughts and we were silent,
alone, together--
paralyzed for what seemed like years.
And when we stepped away
we never spoke.
Copyright ©
zenmind
... [
2007-10-18 00:35:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Paralysis
(User Rating: 1 )
by Adreana on
Thursday, 18th October 2007 @ 07:51:54 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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The final lines (And when we stepped away/we never spoke.) made this piece very haunting to me. Love how you described the inside of the train as "The cold grey chamber"... *shudder* I got chills. Loved it, loved it, loved it.
~Adreana |
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Re: Paralysis
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Thursday, 18th October 2007 @ 12:57:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow like remebering a time friends, tried to do something they shouldnt of done, but did anyhows. Very good
***** 5 stars, bravo
Hope you got an A
brew~ |
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