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Little bit
Contributed by
rhei76
on
Friday, 5th October 2007 @ 03:20:43 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I gave all my love away
Now there's nothing left to say
I gave it and now my will to stay
Has left me, I'm to blame
My will to be, has gone a stray
And nothing will be the same
Gave up on all that was me
Now there's nothing left to be
I gave it and as you can see
there's nothing left but leaves
I use to say
I love her perfume
smells like rain
falling on burning leaves
but now I wish her smell would leave me
I've seen Exudos
Procrastenated past the film of educating
The cost of true moss
That has grown over
Every limb weakening
Taking every solice node
Growing me limber
I sow
My will
to know
I can
fight this off
and tomorrow by first light
I won't be soft
Was a truce
but truce be got
Now that loose
Ambient lot
Has grave sire
And sire not
Copyright ©
rhei76
... [
2007-10-05 15:20:43] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Little bit
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Monday, 21st April 2008 @ 03:51:09 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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i like this... especially the last couple of shorter-lined stanzas.
gives it more of a fast-paced choppy-flowing ending.
and i LOVE the 'perfume' line. i like how you used two good smells and combined them to describe it. very cool.
and instead of just saying 'gave up on me' you expanded it to '..all that was me.' for some reason i liked that a lot too.
overall, i really do like this
keep up the good work. ;-)
- Bethani - |
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