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Broken glass
Contributed by
madhusudan
on
Monday, 17th September 2007 @ 12:16:01 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
The smoke's got my life all dazy
Another cigarette lit, another minute lost...
Just tired of this...I need you right in front of me...
6 months later, its all just the same...
tired of convincin you, tired of this game...
Just haven't seen sunshine...life just seems so empty
tired of banging that glass on the table
Wishing I could let the broken glass shred my heart
Coz you seem to have stained my heart
My heart forces me to take ownership
of this life I refuse...
Its time I leave...to destination unknown
How I wish I could blame you for all of this...
Sadly there is nothing evil in what you have done...
Except leaving me behind....
Copyright ©
madhusudan
... [
2007-09-17 00:16:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Broken glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Amicus on
Monday, 17th September 2007 @ 03:57:05 AM AEST
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a Message)
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i liked it. you should try to revise it later so it flows better. but it was good
keep writing
Amicus |
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Re: Broken glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 17th September 2007 @ 04:42:03 AM AEST
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I could see you sitting there, and hear the bang of the glass upon the table. It is put together with heart thought... that I like.
The very last line, so damn sad, sad to the point it bites and stings.
Michelle |
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Re: Broken glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Monday, 17th September 2007 @ 07:53:25 AM AEST
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I really like the emotion this, and the imagery. It makes you feel sad, without saying too much.
I would, however, suggest that you not use words like 'coz' and add some punctuation, just to smarten it up.
Good write.
Phil xxx |
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