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I Could Break You
Contributed by
keilantra
on
Sunday, 19th August 2007 @ 05:26:37 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
____________________
I could break you
just like that, you know
and I want to
just to prove that there’s more here
than the ditsy jokes and trusting smile
you take advantage of.
We could get up close and do something dangerous,
react like the wrong kinds of chemicals.
I could hold you like a tease of a boa–constrictor,
never too tight.
I’d like to step all over you fingers and
hear you cry out, vulnerable and wounded
so I could heal you with old remedies, amuse you with sand-box jokes.
But I won’t, for the sake of proving that your heartlessness
is not as influential as you think.
your lack of morality is endearing, not desirable.
You’ll miss me soon enough, when apologies are not enough and
there’s no more anger.
You’ll realize that somethings are unforgettable, irreplaceable;
all you need is time.
_______________________________
Don't let us grow apart like this,
I don't want to let you go.
Copyright ©
keilantra
... [
2007-08-19 05:26:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Could Break You
(User Rating: 1 )
by xxx_lover on
Sunday, 19th August 2007 @ 10:37:18 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Whoa....I can so relate...this is so well expressed....I really enjoyed it! |
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Re: I Could Break You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Sunday, 19th August 2007 @ 10:10:48 PM AEST
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Strong poem, lots of bruised ego and raw feelings - a rite of passage into emotional maturation. I really like the the lines about
'You’ll miss me soon enough'
as a flipside to time heals all wounds. Yes, we can only hope that time wounds all heels!
S. |
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Re: I Could Break You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 19th August 2007 @ 11:48:44 PM AEST
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(I love Spikes last remark .. lol)
Wow, this was so intriguing and written with just enough mystery
to add to its already potent grip. Your metaphors, as always were
so striking!! But there is something ... something in the ending ..
those last two lines separated from the rest; almost as a whispered
truth. It reminds me SO much of Simon and Garfunkel's I am a Rock.
He protests through the whole piece about how he is solid and
cannot be affected and then softly says at the end, that a rock
feels no pain and an island never cries ... that is what your ending
makes me feel.
Brilliant write, kei.
~Breezy |
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Re: I Could Break You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 7th October 2007 @ 01:31:36 PM AEST
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Good grief, kei - you impress the hell outta me. I am so very certain I was nowhere near as wise as you when your age. I'm not even sure that I am now.
This begs to be read aloud and my word, it feels huge falling from the lip. The tone is perfection... lingering just shy of a bite but well beyond an ache. Spike's dead on -- "You'll miss me soon enough" stands out, as does "all you need is time" for having been offered in the same context. Everything from the author's note to the strong opening to the... geesh... practically-pulsing-on-the-page ending is laid down perfectly.
I've said this before, I'm sure... but it merits repeating. Yours is a voice that ought be heard, hun. Use it. And don't ever stop.
~Snemmy
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