|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
chains
Contributed by
10_000days
on
Saturday, 4th August 2007 @ 11:57:49 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
wraped so tight in your armes
like chanes in the dark around my chest
im held here like ive never left im never going to
move
wraped so tight in your words like chanes in the dark
around my chest never let them go
held onto the lock no wont let hem let me go
ill beleave the chains they speek no lies
im in denial all the while i lived in this hope that i knew would die
no blame to you
defending you like chains kepeing me from falling
to my death,
the only bit of life i have left.
but then it rained and raind and raind the
rust the chanins the rust it couldnt hold, them chains gave way,
just b4 the fire died
ok so this is the first pome ive ever writen if you can call it a pome as far as i know
a pome is an expression more then a set of rules that you have to follow so i guess it could be but
i would like to touch it up a bit with punctuation exc im in a hury right now and i only have a few days
have this ready if you havent figured it out its about someone i truely love who is gone im not shur if im gona give it to
her but yea anyway if anyone understands it and can fix it up a bit i dont want the meaning changed but like
i know there should be more lines in it then there are i just dont know where to put them some help on that would be good and maby a slight change in wording. also the last part of it has alot of meaning very improtant there was a point in time where i told her that i would rather burn then fall (in otherwords go through everthing shes puting me through to be there for her and be with her no mater what) and just so you know i left her but its not cause i dont wana be there
just wondering if it expresses that and i was wondering if you people can i guess you can say desipher it so shell know exactly what it means if i do give it to her but i have to go i will explain more about this if anyone is intrested to know what it means but yea im in a hurry so untill then i bid you good night
Copyright ©
10_000days
... [
2007-08-04 11:57:49]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: chains
(User Rating: 1 )
by Xmorbid6childrnx on
Saturday, 4th August 2007 @ 01:50:26 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| ill be honest its not bad, but the poor spelling takes away from it. |
|
|
Re: chains
(User Rating: 1 )
by elle on
Sunday, 5th August 2007 @ 03:02:18 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hi,
I'd just like to say what a wonderful effort on your part to express your feelings about being with this someone. I agree with the above comment that your meaning and certainly your feelings could be conveyed a little clearer if you could tighten up the spelling somewhat. Always proofread and check yourself.
Certainly it is wonderful for your first poem and I'd like to thank you for sharing it with us. Also, I hope you feel better after what ever release it gives you.
elle |
|
|
Re: chains
(User Rating: 1 )
by endlesspath on
Tuesday, 7th August 2007 @ 07:14:28 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
writes are formed within the casings of ones heart and flow, which i beleive you have. spelling is there and grammer erros but with some help and re-writing to make an little more would make it an excellent piece of work.
i just posted my first write today. its what i gave to be seen . not very good tho.
keep posting you are doing fine.
endless
|
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
