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Forsaken
Contributed by
OneLastTime
on
Friday, 3rd August 2007 @ 01:24:13 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
You're trying to poison me,
You're trying to make me lose my mind...
And I'm,
Running out of breath,
I'm running out of time.
Spare my soul,
I don't want to die this way,
I wanna stay,
To see another day.
Alone,in this fight,
You left me.
Abandoned,
I cry.
Isolated,
I die.
Copyright ©
OneLastTime
... [
2007-08-03 01:24:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Forsaken
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Friday, 3rd August 2007 @ 05:21:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I really like this poem.. it has a nice rhyme scheme and is very expressive and powerful in the raw emotional sense.. great job
vampyress Jenni |
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Re: Forsaken
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 4th August 2007 @ 03:05:44 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this reminds me of some of my poems. you had some good flowing lines and rhymes. i liked your ending, but i think hyphens might help accentuate it.
"Abandoned-
I cry.
Isolated-
I die." maybe a little to dramatic and emily dickinson influenced though if you did that ::shrugs:: great write, im glad your bad mood and your talent created such a good piece =] |
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