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Nothing but Faith
Contributed by
Leila18
on
Thursday, 2nd August 2007 @ 04:18:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I've lost control,
my mind can't take hold.
Where did the day go?
Look at all the saddness we've sowed,
and the ugly side you showed.
Where has the day gone?
This night seems so long...
and when i'm by myself its hard to be strong.
Where has happiness ran off to?
now I have nothing left to lose.
but what hurts the most is I have noone to accuse...
I guess my soul has an infection.
It ruins my complextion to the point that I can't stand my reflection...
I am far from perfection.
But I will never lose my faith,
It is the one thing I have in this world that nobody can take!
Copyright ©
Leila18
... [
2007-08-02 16:18:02] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Nothing but Faith
(User Rating: 1 ) by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 2nd August 2007 @ 04:38:46 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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hrm, the line spacing sort of grates the nerves and makes this seem less like a poem. in highschool we did spaces between the lines for editing, that is what i am reminded of. the thing about rhetorical questions is that often times its more poetic to answer the questions, therefore showing the reader your own thoughts on the subject so that the reader is enlightened on a new way to think of such a thing or compares your thoughts with his own.
"Where has happiness ran off to?"
Off, again to the world of fleeting joys and whims of pleasure. Off, again to leave me with lasting numbness/sadness/longing/whatever because i cannot take happiness as a prisoner for my soul's enjoyment. (of course you can probably write up a better answer than that, =])
i saw that for some of your words, you were trying for the lines to sound better with rhymes within a line or close to other words that sounded a like (complexcion, reflection, infection, etc). your worst enemy in doing that is sometimes it looks very forced, cheesy, not poetic, etc. i like the idea of a soul being infected =]
i think the funniest thing though is how you said you have nothing to lose, but then you say you will never lose your faith =]
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