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My Sunken Spirit
Contributed by
yackerz85
on
Wednesday, 1st August 2007 @ 07:12:29 AM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
I envy all those spirits, as carefree as the wind,
blowing here and there, billowing as they please.
The leaf caught in an updraft floats and gently falls
Completely subjected to what the breeze wills.
My spirit, the rock it is, is dense through and through
Weighed down by concerns and matters of sullen gloom.
In the water I am sinking, while the light hearted soar
Through the air as magnificent condors
With the sunshine sparkling in their wake.
Still deeper and deeper do I fall,
Seeing things from a new darker perspective.
Because down here the sun seldom sees
The bitter struggles I face, the self-inflicted harm I cause
In my pitiful attempts to make inner peace
Copyright ©
yackerz85
... [
2007-08-01 07:12:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Sunken Spirit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 1st August 2007 @ 09:33:35 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Mark, firstly I'd like to say, I think your title is absolute and perfect. You summed up the piece exquisitely.
Secondly, the piece itself is tormenting, at the very least. The metaphors in this are stunning; they paint
such a magnificent and accurate picture, I could not only feel the emotion, but I by the end, I was
breathing it.
Exceptional work here, my friend. I hope this is not an ongoing torment for you. Just know, you captured
the deepest part of this emotion with amazing passion! Damn fine poetry.
~Breezy |
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Re: My Sunken Spirit
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Wednesday, 1st August 2007 @ 11:43:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Agreed with Breezy...very fine poetry, and well I hope th inside will not tale over and lead you to keeping hidden torment....
Brew~ |
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Re: My Sunken Spirit
(User Rating: 1 )
by jv2543 on
Wednesday, 8th August 2007 @ 01:51:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very well written, I can only hope to be able to express myself as well as you do oneday. And I hope that you soon will find renewed spirit...keep your head up ... Take Care. |
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