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Beautiful Brains
Contributed by
Mangos
on
Monday, 30th July 2007 @ 05:55:55 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Too much has the potential to go horribly wrong
The words are instrumental
when composing the perfect love song
Eroding from my heart
are the feelings that were once strong
Now are fleeting
now are long and gone
Compliments along side nice things said
Sediments clearing porous rocks from the beaten head
Cob webs
Prey hooked
and left for dead
Can I lay near you?
Can I stay close?
Will you share your bed?
Here in my arms
you are safe and secure
With my love
you feel warm
I in turn
am no longer concerned
_________
_____
Copyright ©
Mangos
... [
2007-07-30 05:55:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Beautiful Brains
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 30th July 2007 @ 02:43:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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well first off, when i saw your title- the first thing that popped in my head was it must be a blonde's brain =]. *going with the stereotypes of america anyway.
i really liked your use of line breaks and the fact that your rhymes dont feel forced, but natural and that the fact they rhyme is almost just a clear cut bonus. your ending was the best of all though, it felt like an icicle to the heart, even though it can be taken differently im sure. |
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Re: Beautiful Brains
(User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on
Tuesday, 31st July 2007 @ 06:36:52 PM AEST
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Good write. I had to read it twice to get the jest. Good choice of words .
Whisper |
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Re: Beautiful Brains
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Sunday, 5th August 2007 @ 01:42:41 PM AEST
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Ahhh... a coming of age write of sorts... :)
It feels soooo good when the obvious is finally made clear, doesn't it??
Limbo doesn't last forever, see? It just feels like it at times.
~Scorp. |
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