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The Garden of Fear

Contributed by Athenus on Sunday, 29th July 2007 @ 09:57:15 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

The birds’ quite spoken
While the water flows free
Why am I here?
Which has more beauty than me

This garden of life
This garden of fear
Why am I consumed?
And why am I here?

These words flow free
As you can plainly see
This life, this world
That I could never be

Copyright Â© Athenus ... [ 2007-07-29 21:57:15]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The Garden of Fear (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Monday, 30th July 2007 @ 02:59:25 PM AEST
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i didnt feel any emotion in this piece, so i suppose that this poem is basically just for you. i think this is so vague that people really cant even relate at all to it at all, therefore get any imagery or feelings. perhaps the extended metaphor also sort of kills off the emotion as well because it is just mentioned, not really even talked about that much. why is it a garden of fear? what are you consumed with? fear? i dont know what world youre talking of. the last stanzas rhymes are too forced and cheesy. i cant plainly see anything. you are seriously lacking in the punctuation department that could at least dress up the poem a bit, but as it stands this needs a lot more substance if you want your audience to feel anything, see anything, identify with anything you say, etc.

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