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Deceiver
Contributed by
Rakerman1999
on
Monday, 16th July 2007 @ 08:48:24 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Lover, lover in the night
Tell me why you fear the light
Tell me why you run away
At the very thought of day
Just a flaw or could it be
Something that I cannot see
Something darkness keeps concealed
That with dawn might be revealed
Dancing shadows of a lie
Tricks of light to fool the eye
Do you think I'm unaware?
Doubt's a child deception bears.
One can read between the lines
Sense deceit and see the signs
Weakened heart from tainted trust
Thriving love is turned to dust
Just a flaw or could it be
Something that I cannot see
Something darkness keeps concealed
That with dawn might be revealed
Tell me why you run away
At the very thought of day
Tell me why you fear the light
Lover, lover in the night
L. Carling c2007
Copyright ©
Rakerman1999
... [
2007-07-16 08:48:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Deceiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Monday, 16th July 2007 @ 09:17:58 AM AEST
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this is beautifully written larry, you never fail to create a masterpiece!
hugs n' love nessa
roses roses roses |
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Re: Deceiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Monday, 16th July 2007 @ 09:44:39 AM AEST
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Larry -an excellent question, one usually aimed haltingly at their back as they exit the room, house, street, or just pondered in their absence - until the eventual confrontation.
I have grown accustomed to (or should I say dimly recall) partners being self conscious bc of a particular flaw of form or age, or just their own prudence, but being party to this kind of deceit certainly spoils the good times and makes you feel used (for those who have a conscience).
The rhyming and metre was spot on, with a low, thrumming pulse, but I especially loved your word choices and how quickly you captured the many reasons for lovers' dawn flight. I'm just relieved you didn't mean secret ala The Crying Game -Whew! (lol).
So glad to read this one on a cold winter's morn in Oz.
Spike |
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Re: Deceiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 16th July 2007 @ 10:47:12 AM AEST
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Larry, though this is simply beautiful, through and through, there is a deafening
sadness that rings so loudly. Words left unsaid .... moments stolen, only to be
stolen away again, with different circumstances and sentiments ... all of it just
leaves one feeling so alone. Even in a completely crowded room. How sad. How
very, very sad.
I adore the repetition with a twist of the first and third stanzas. It drives the
question home with conviction, but still a softness that feels as delicate as an
angel's wing. Beautiful writing, my friend. As always ~
~Breezy |
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Re: Deceiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 16th July 2007 @ 11:05:53 AM AEST
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Wow flaming darkness, I sensed under tones of anger, and sadness in this...... flow and rhyme exceptional as always...
like the ending
Michelle |
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Re: Deceiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 16th July 2007 @ 11:40:46 AM AEST
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Good work friend. A bit sad but awesome writing.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Deceiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Monday, 16th July 2007 @ 03:03:06 PM AEST
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Larry i must say this write rocks i love it :)
Dancing shadows of a lie
Tricks of light to fool the eye
Do you think I'm unaware?
Doubt's a child deception bears.
One can read between the lines
Sense deceit and see the signs
Weakened heart from tainted trust
Thriving love is turned to dust
love those lines
hugs |
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Re: Deceiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by InfinitePoet on
Monday, 16th July 2007 @ 08:26:42 PM AEST
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| THIS WAS UNLIKE Amy ive read in quite along time now!! I ESPECIALLY LIKE THE REPEAT VERSE IN IT! wHERE DO YOU GO IN YOUR MIND YOUR SOUL HEART BODY SPIRIT.....TO PRODUCE SUCH A BRILLIANTLY DARK ANDI WAS AT THE END OF IT CAUGHT UP IN MY OWN DEEP AND VERY TWISTED THOUGHTS! yOU HAVE RARE TALENTpLEASE DON'T DENY PEOPLE GREAT WORK LIKE YOURS! kEEP WRITING AND POSTING ALWAYS |
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Re: Deceiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Tuesday, 17th July 2007 @ 12:26:25 AM AEST
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this is just splendid and full of pain and passion.. awesome job.. this is just like wow!! a masterpiece.. wonderful job here
rock on,
vampyress Jenni |
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Re: Deceiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dom on
Tuesday, 17th July 2007 @ 05:42:47 AM AEST
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Wow Larry this was stunning!
The rhythm and repetition drive your message with a strong force straight into the heart, but it is never overplayed.
There is such pain and anger that I feel beneath the words, as if the emotion is restrained but present nonetheless.
Great write, great read!
Dom |
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Re: Deceiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 17th July 2007 @ 06:39:38 AM AEST
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| Well it's good to read you again. I am glad I did not miss this. Somehow enchanting and stark at once. Lovely meter! |
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Re: Deceiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by blueheart on
Wednesday, 18th July 2007 @ 02:52:09 AM AEST
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Hey Larry, thought I'd drop by the old site for a bit. Glad to have read this. You never fail to impress. I'm honoured to have to chance to read your writes and identify to the emotions that spill out from the words. Great job.. :)
Hanna |
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