|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
i used to
Contributed by
fadingaway
on
Monday, 9th July 2007 @ 03:46:17 PM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
I used to think i was invincable but now i really know,
I used to think i love you but now i know it's not so,
I used to say you love me,
But now that's all a lie,
I used to like to hold you,
But now I think that you should die,
Promises you make to me,
Promises you lie,
Death is the only truth i know,
Life was too hard to show,
please take away my pain,
My suffering is lost in destain,
I used to think i know it all,
I know now that im wrong,
I used to think i love you,
I know now that your gone,
Im sorry that i left you,
a day another dawn.
Copyright ©
fadingaway
... [
2007-07-09 15:46:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: i used to
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Monday, 9th July 2007 @ 05:12:33 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I appreciate abstract poetry as a genre, and the fact that this was alcohol-inspired, but this poem offers little in the way of concrete images, and that has an effect on the final piece that you don't seem to be aware of. Lines like "now that's all a lie" or "life was too hard to show" are good general tone-builders and convey strongly the frustration, disappointment, and tension that went into writing this piece, but read almost like secrets. As a stranger, i don't know what lies were told, or how life became hard, but inserting even one image into the poem, like learning that you were cheated on, or the feeling of being slapped across the face during a fight, would make your words not only more powerful, but also more relateable. I can see that you feel bad, but until your pain makes ME feel bad, too, it's hard to empathize with you. Keep writing!
BZ. |
|
|
Re: i used to
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 9th July 2007 @ 06:21:16 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I heard that.
Great venting. I very seldom drink but ocassionally I get titpsie.
I know when one in intoxacated even if they remember or not the guard comes down and the truth comes out or least for me.
huggs, smiles,
emy
|
|
|
Re: i used to
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Monday, 9th July 2007 @ 11:27:36 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Writing is somewhat abstract.its from the deep inner feels......I thought you penned a write from the depths that showed your most truth. Keep penning, your fine.
Brew~ |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
