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Jealousy
Contributed by
ktbugg
on
Saturday, 1st March 2003 @ 10:00:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
You’re basking in her sunlight
You’re swimming in her seas
You’re dancing on her daises
You’re floating on her breeze
I’m lying in the darkness
I’m drifting through the night
I’m dreaming of your face
I’m longing for the light
I’d like to be the one
I’d like you to concur
I’d like to be engulfed in you
I’d like to just be her…
Copyright ©
ktbugg
... [
2003-03-01 10:00:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Jealousy
(User Rating: 1 )
by notsoangelic3000 on
Saturday, 1st March 2003 @ 01:35:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| hmmmm.....yes, very good, if you read any of my other commentz on other ppl, it might sound like I'm sayin the same thing, but no, this iz just like my "relationship" which I've truly never had, and I just want to say you write the simplest~good thing~but wisest and intellegent poetry, I like this, keep on writing. |
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Re: Jealousy
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Saturday, 1st March 2003 @ 07:24:28 PM AEST
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i like this very short sometimes they are the best however. This flowed really well. I love repetition at the start of lines. It can be hard to do that sometimes. Anyways great poem!
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Jealousy
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Saturday, 1st March 2003 @ 08:38:33 PM AEST
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| You have expressed your feelings of jealousy so perfectly, without making it sound like an ugly thing, but a beautiful thing. I also love the way you started each four lines with the same word to separate your feelings. A truly great write ... five stars. |
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Re: Jealousy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bizzy on
Saturday, 1st March 2003 @ 11:50:28 PM AEST
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Dear ktbugg, I have no suggestions. A+
Great-grandma Bizzy |
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