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A Title Might Take Away From the Intended Meaning of this Poem
Contributed by
asthenia
on
Thursday, 21st June 2007 @ 03:52:52 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
"A Title Might Take Away From the Intended Meaning of This Poem"
So there I was in a place of devastation
Where the rain seemed to fall like mortality to death
And the darkness swept across the sky
like a horde of spiders making their way to their prey
And there was no brilliant choir to accompany the darkness
The only melody was that of a soul long tortured
But thru the darkness I could see a maiden,
A maiden that shown with the most fantastical colours!
Colours that flew about like an array of spirits!
Spirits which possessed every ounce of my being
And I did not struggle against them,
I simply succumbed to them
I was a hostage who willingly gave up control
So I began to press my way thru the emptiness,
towards the beautiful and radiant maiden
And with every step that I began to take
I could feel the existence of fear rise up,
constricting the flow of life to the lungs
Until my chest seemed to burst into flames!
Then suddenly my eyes hit head on with hers
And they struck with such force that I found myself upon the ground
And, for just a moment, my vital signs ceased to exist
And there I layed in a peace that I had never known
A peace where every little thing dissolved away
But the moment soon ended and I found myself re-animated
I stood up...and there in-front of me she was,
The one who possessed an un-rivaled beauty,
A beauty that had never before been witnessed by mine eyes
But then anxiety set in and nailed my body into the ground
And as I tried to stretch out my arms or whisper a breath
She began to fade away into the darkness
As I stuggled to eject a truth from my body
She continued to fade away...
And the further she went away
The more beautiful she became
And the more beautiful she became
The more jealousy over-threw my heart
Because she faded out of my grasp
And into the arms of another soul
One that was a little more stable
Copyright ©
asthenia
... [
2007-06-21 15:52:52]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: A Title Might Take Away From the Intended Meaning of this Poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Thursday, 21st June 2007 @ 04:07:52 PM AEST
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Thank you for reading me...I just had to come check you out and I found this to be a brilliant write. You had me sucked in to the story. It was such a beautiful story and the then ending so sad. I love your last line...damn I can so relate...
"One that was a little more stable"
Excellent write.
Peace,
Laura |
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Re: A Title Might Take Away From the Intended Meaning of this Poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Thursday, 21st June 2007 @ 04:10:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Incredible
I cannot choose which line would be a favorite because the entire write is perfection, the first couple lines of the first stanza grabbed hold of me.... I was lost within the rest of this write as it enfolded its arms around me. You did an awesome job here!
~Michelle~ |
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Re: A Title Might Take Away From the Intended Meaning of this Poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by sadaddy on
Thursday, 21st June 2007 @ 04:21:16 PM AEST
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This poem grabbed me and lead from the beginning until the end, That makes for an awesome write in my book. May your heart be filled with peace and joy each and everyday.
sadaddy |
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Re: A Title Might Take Away From the Intended Meaning of this Poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by madhusudan on
Thursday, 21st June 2007 @ 09:54:26 PM AEST
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| Lovely ending...great beginning....sweet overall....keep postin' |
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Re: A Title Might Take Away From the Intended Meaning of this Poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Friday, 22nd June 2007 @ 03:24:19 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I agree with everyone here this is a great write.take care ,keep penning |
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