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Short-Term Love
Contributed by
Angel_J_777
on
Saturday, 16th June 2007 @ 07:02:05 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Hey there,
you sitting against the wall.
Time past us by,
now you don't care at all.
What you love
and how you feel,
so tell me now
if we are real.
I don't love you
anymore, not again,
but I can't leave you,
not for him.
Me dragging you along
hurts me inside.
But I can't stand to see you go
when you're really trying to hide.
I understand why,
you stopped loving.
I understand why,
you keep pushing and shoving.
I'm sorry for your misery,
I'm sorry for your pain.
I wish I could make you happy,
and take it all away.
I hope to you,
a good future, and a better girl.
Please forget about me,
there's better in this world.
I thank you,
for your short-term love.
Copyright ©
Angel_J_777
... [
2007-06-16 07:02:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Short-Term Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 16th June 2007 @ 08:30:06 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I feel this is too simplistic for what you’re trying to put forward. If this did indeed happen to you, try to make your words ignite a fire inside the reader and make them feel you. Millions of poems go along this line and you just need to find your unique voice to make your poem stand out. I’m not saying it’s bad, it’s just run of the mill and I’ve read this same poem thousands of times. Don’t feel discouraged I know you haven’t posted much poetry on this site, but I can tell you’ve got talent! You just need to develop it more. Experiment more, use more imagery, and use dialogue! Keep it up! |
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Re: Short-Term Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sagefairy on
Sunday, 14th October 2007 @ 02:18:38 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
"Time (passed) us by". The emotions expressed are certainly ones I've felt before. Leaves you wondering if they really loved or not. You write much like I did when I first started; you might want to poke around in the dictionary a little and make your work unique with more words. Still, it's fine as is other than the typo.
Blessings (and encouragement),
J. |
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