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Goodbye
Contributed by
fadingaway
on
Thursday, 14th June 2007 @ 02:36:16 AM in AEST
Topic:
ApologyPoetry
|
I here the wind is calling,
Begging me to come home,
I see the tear drops falling,
Sprinkles against the stone,
The leaves a rustling wonder,
The birds are singing free,
The sun is shining splendor,
Beneath the aging tree,
As I watch my beating heart pulled from my chest,
I understand your hate for me
I won't blame you for my death
I made a couple promises
And to those I'll stay true,
If you could understand me,
Maybe I could understand you?
The moon is hawling sorrow,
The flesh that's burnt has curled,
Im sreaming at the world,
A wish to see tomorrow,
Stars are winking sly,
Like a demon in the sky,
And now it's time to die,
So to you I say goodbye.
Copyright ©
fadingaway
... [
2007-06-14 02:36:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by Oceandreamer on
Thursday, 14th June 2007 @ 04:25:15 AM AEST
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| I agee with you.Death is only a way out ... Very well written and beautiful words...lots of depth and wisdom there.Thanx for sharing ~~Oceandreamer~~ |
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Re: Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Thursday, 14th June 2007 @ 06:09:34 AM AEST
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You misspelled "hear", "I'm", and "screaming". A spellchecker would have caught two of those for you. When you switched to an abba rhyme scheme in the fourth stanza, it really made it stand out. It made me see that as the most important part of the poem and really strengthened the screaming desperation. Good use of trickery and details there. Finally, if someone is murdering you, you don't have to be nice to them. By that point, courtesy doesn't count. You can even swear at them, or stop talking for a second to go call 911, if you'd like. Don't worry. Time heals all wounds, and sooner or later, you'll find someone else to loan your heart to.
BZ. |
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Re: Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by bluestars on
Thursday, 14th June 2007 @ 03:45:43 PM AEST
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Great piece there
Thanks for sharing |
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Re: Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by Thespia on
Tuesday, 19th June 2007 @ 10:56:14 PM AEST
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| Love it!!! Emotionally powerfull, I remember that feeling all to well. Thank you for sharing a lovely poem. |
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