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Jim Green (A Faded Red Part 2)
Contributed by
FrancisWolf
on
Wednesday, 13th June 2007 @ 11:53:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
mystical
|
Two in the afternoon
Burning incense fades away
Anastasia wakens, greets the day
Looking out of her window, peering in silence
There are some scary things out there
A merger of composed and insane
A butcher cleaning out in the rain
Little girl in her twirl
She was a ballerina once
Now she just watches videos on a glass screen
She’s weaned herself of visions
This was her decision
No one’s going to show her up
Her mom comes in, “You’re grounded” she says with a tear
“For staying under my nest and escaping your fears”
This is the strangest trip she’s never seen
And for once in the world she wonders
What ever happen to Jim Green?
Her boyfriend will probably come by tonight
After work to smoke pot or to start up a fight
To punch a wall in anger, to berate or to hate her
And she’ll just stare with her mind
Pass his class; pass the act, this old gerbil wheel
This sickness, this picnic of emotional steals
He’ll leave in a rush with the crutch of her kiss
He thinks, “If she left tomorrow, would there be something I missed?”
There’s a car in the driveway
Some bumper sticks on the back
Past accomplishments to the future she lacks
An old man goes down the street on a unicycle
One wheels rolling, up and pass for hundreds of miles
She figures, “He must be running on experiences”
“How do I get my exercises with all of these fences?”
This is the strangest trip she’s never seen
And for once in the world she wonders
What ever happen to Jim Green?
Jim Green was a friend
but he’s stopped his talking
There’s no hope in hoping
There’s nothing to look forward to
When every day is exactly the same
And you’re so scared
…of change…
Oh no
If you wear a mask you hurt in disguise
Oh no
There’s no point in truth if you’re true to the lies
Anastasia takes the keys out
She sneaks out the window
From all the scary people who exist in her head
And she opens the car door
She leaves a note just to make sure
Her mother notices all the ghosts left this home
And the ceiling fan spins
The floor boards moan
Everything of silence screams in a tone
Of the escape of a victim
And a letter left like a habit to a fiend
Entitled “Expectance, denials, Jim Green”
This is the strangest trip she’s never seen
And for once in the world she wonders
What ever happen to Jim Green?
Copyright ©
FrancisWolf
... [
2007-06-13 23:53:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Jim Green (A Faded Red Part 2)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Thursday, 14th June 2007 @ 06:28:54 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
The image of the grounded baby bird was one of the best puns i've heard in a while. I really liked your tone here. It let you take serious subjects like domestic violence and suicide and approach them in a light, fun way, which is something not many people can do. Unless a suicide is based on real events, I'm kind of against ending a poem with one. Sometimes it feels like a cop out. Sometimes it turns an otherwise fine poem into sappy drivel. Here, your wonderful tone dampens the effect, but i still feel just a little cheated by that ending. Then again, could it have ended any other way? The whole story is about the miserable condition this woman is in, so the natural wrap-up would be for her to find escape. Maybe she could turn into an alcoholic, or a prostitute, or a compulsive gambler. Maybe she could get a new job and try a few new things in life, get a couple new friends, move to a new place, you know, start over. Both of those paths would be hard to control dramatically while maintaining the concision of the rest of the piece. I dunno. Maybe the suicide was the best choice. Either way, fantastic piece. Keep it up!
BZ. |
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Re: Jim Green (A Faded Red Part 2)
(User Rating: 1 )
by candysears on
Thursday, 14th June 2007 @ 08:47:33 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Beautifully penned and very interesting..It totally keep me clinging to the next line..
Very good... |
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Re: Jim Green (A Faded Red Part 2)
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Friday, 15th June 2007 @ 01:31:09 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I enjoyed this write, the twists and turns.... the ghosts and all, very creative
Michelle |
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