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Collision (This Is Where It Ends)
Contributed by
musicXisXlife
on
Friday, 8th June 2007 @ 02:27:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
going about
too engrossed in my own thoughts
I hear something-
urgency-
and I look up
but not quickly enough.
You and I careen into each other
I see stars
my head aches
black- everywhere
pain so terrible
so overwhelming
can't stand it
laying on the cold hard ground
blood and sweat trickle into my eye
and all of a sudden
pain and hurt
builds up like nausea
anchoring itself in the back of my throat
my stomach lurches, and I open my mouth
This terrible scream
pleading-
it's not me anymore
I'm above, watching the scene
I see the mauled body on the ground
face twisted in pain
crying out to anyone that will listen
With convulsions
vomits up blood
weakly onto the concrete,
writhing in agony.
Now the form
is laying twisted
limbs bent in unnatural positions
suffering, wrenched with pain
trying so hard
just to breathe
trembling violently upon exhalation.
I see the helpless look in the eyes of the near-dead girl
how she feels, so horrible
alone and lost.
Like nobody cares
the hurt of it all
blood flowing from so many wounds
mixing with dirty rainwater
bruises
clothes ripped, hanging off the emaciated body
mouth open in expectation-
of what?
The wild, inhuman look
staring into darkness
Then the eyes glaze over,
and weak shaking turns to seizures.
her spine bends completely backwards
limbs splayed out at awkward angles
taking one final shuddering breath.
then
her body crumples in defeat
laying in a puddle of blood in the alley
encompassed in shadows, except for one flickering streetlamp
and
from this view
looking like any other forgotten, broken toy getting soaked by the rain.
Copyright ©
musicXisXlife
... [
2007-06-08 14:27:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Collision (This Is Where It Ends)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wilder on
Friday, 8th June 2007 @ 06:15:46 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I liked this poem, but you seem to switch from talking about "you" (as in the reader) to "her" -- so because of this it doesn't flow properly at the beginning, but i like the line "you and i careen into each other", very powerful. |
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Re: Collision (This Is Where It Ends)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cannabiskilla on
Friday, 8th June 2007 @ 06:32:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this is a very good poem. it is so primal and proves its point regardless of what the reader wants to feel. It conveys a real message and does what its supposed to do. as a response to wilders comment, she is outside her body looking down on the helpless body, being brutalized, which is her own. this is known from the line " its not me anymore". The mental image is not really pleasurable, but i like the write anyway, it really made me feel something, whether good or bad. |
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Re: Collision (This Is Where It Ends)
(User Rating: 1 )
by The_Unknown on
Saturday, 16th June 2007 @ 12:35:32 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Oh wow, that's a really good poem. A lot of imagery - not so pleasant imagery though... But it's still a really good poem. It's also really powerful. I like it a lot.
And thanks for the comments.
See you in like.. and hour,
love ya
Jess |
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