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Wading in the Mire
Contributed by
deadheadpoet
on
Wednesday, 30th May 2007 @ 04:02:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
You laughed at me
Thought this all so funny
Well looks like this time baby
I'll give you a run for the money
You think you are so clever
and that you played me so very well
All you ended up doing my love
was creating a living hell
I once was this woman so very damn torn
a man, you were, who came to me
You promised deep devotion and love
you promised monogamy
I failed one day to see you the same
yeah, all at once your colors seemed to change
I found myself looking at you...
finding you oh so strange
You think I am stupid
that all the truths you tell were complete
You never thought you'd mess this up
that the truths you were hiding, I was soon to meet
I fear for our future
for my respect is slowly fading
I've made up my mind
In mire I shall be wading
2:43 am
May 29, 2007
Laura Horner
Copyright ©
deadheadpoet
... [
2007-05-30 16:02:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Wading in the Mire
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Wednesday, 30th May 2007 @ 04:38:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I kind of like where this is headed. I think you would benefit the rhyme scheme by actively touching it up to be more iambic, which, I feel, would increase the flow of the poem and smooth some rough parts in the second and fourth stanzas.
Otherwise, I like the subtle (and at times obvious) visciousness of this poem. :) |
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Re: Wading in the Mire
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Wednesday, 30th May 2007 @ 09:08:38 PM AEST
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| A well done piece in expression to reflect the betrayal we experience. Good write Laura. |
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Re: Wading in the Mire
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Thursday, 31st May 2007 @ 01:12:55 AM AEST
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a Message)
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wow and wow Laura
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Re: Wading in the Mire
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Thursday, 31st May 2007 @ 02:03:03 AM AEST
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wow laurabean! a very emotional piece but it hits you right through the heart. very powerful and expressive.. exquistely penned piece
Vampyress jenni |
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Re: Wading in the Mire
(User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on
Thursday, 31st May 2007 @ 03:50:15 AM AEST
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This was good.. Powerful and deep. I felt the pain and emotions that you packed in to this just fly from the page down into the reader.. Amazing job and a painful subject.. Well done..
Take care
*hugs*
Christina |
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Re: Wading in the Mire
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Wednesday, 6th June 2007 @ 10:24:47 AM AEST
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a Message)
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strong quiet determination here in this heartbreakingly beautiful poem, im in your corner dear friend,
love n' hugs nessa
roses |
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