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Void
Contributed by
maelstroms_child
on
Monday, 7th May 2007 @ 11:15:14 PM in AEST
Topic:
obsession
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I feel a hollow
My skin is electric
I covet yours
To be one
Copyright ©
maelstroms_child
... [
2007-05-07 23:15:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Void
(User Rating: 1 )
by joydeep_nath on
Tuesday, 8th May 2007 @ 01:45:39 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| hey great write..u cud have easily done it into a haiku |
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Re: Void
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 9th May 2007 @ 01:06:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This isn't a "great write", it's disjointed and unpunctuated, a dim glimpse of what it could be. I don't say this to try to bring you down; I think you do have promise. But when the words that make up your sentence don't even coexist with each other in a way that makes a solid statement, well, you need to work on that.
I know you can do better; let's see your best. The mountains of poorer stuff we all write can stay in the dark. Just keep writing - each poem, each sentence can make you a better writer.
Andrew |
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Re: Void
(User Rating: 1 )
by maelstroms_child on
Wednesday, 9th May 2007 @ 04:42:46 PM AEST
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Andrew,
You have obviously missed the entire purpose of this poem, I pity you. It is intended to be disjointed and the fact that it is unpunctuated makes perfect sense as it was a spontaneous and unedited composition. The title, subject and style are all tied together in their purpose of expression. To feel displaced, colorless and totally consumed by your compulsion to such an extent, that fully formed ideas and sentences loose all meaning.
I do not think that this is a brilliant literary work, but it is not nearly as bad as you seem to believe, and for totally different reasons. Maybe your time would be better spent studying and critiquing your own mediocre attempts at word play, rather than trying to push your false sense of intellectual superiority on to others.
So many words in response to so few…
This is fun, would you like to play some more? I believe it’s your turn.
Tarryn |
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Re: Void
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 15th May 2007 @ 01:40:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Tarryn, you've missed the purpose of this site and the ability to post your work for critique. You've responded as a jealous parent in indiscriminate defense of your work; that's unnecessary. Your work can take care of itself, and its place on this website entitles it to both positive and negative opinions. You cheapen it when you try to discount those negative opinions.
I'm going to respond via private message to the content of your comment, because comment posts are not the proper way to carry on conversation or disagreement on this site. It's rather poor etiquette.
Andrew |
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