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Hollow
Contributed by
jackson21
on
Friday, 4th May 2007 @ 01:13:34 PM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
He caresses her face ever so gently
wipes away her unwavering tears
holds her close to his bossum tenderly
whispers sweet nothings until she forgets her fears.
All this pure emotion reforms to devour
in such haste they share a moment of happiness
until their faced with the confusion that followed
they were together so briefly yet seemed like eternity.
She whispersinto the darkness of her heart
stop being foolish remember first you have to grow
countless times you have been trampled, corrupted
brace yourself.... you already know whats to follow.
So she briskly saunted away into the dusk
alone once more with only her thoughts to comfort
breath in the cold night air surrounding her, consuming her
holding out her hand as if to grasp what lay before my time.
Bending down within her mind the consideration of another
swaying and conforming with the wind of a thousand blown
underestimating child - like mannerisms that stray in the hollow
hollow of life and bowing down to societies expectations.
He came to her side as though she beakoned him
silently connecting with her inside of the collective
trailing the misfit, cradling his head upon her hands
content with the lie of happier times!
Copyright ©
jackson21
... [
2007-05-04 13:13:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Hollow
(User Rating: 1 )
by BEE on
Saturday, 5th May 2007 @ 12:13:36 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Great write very good keep up the work. |
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Re: Hollow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 5th May 2007 @ 05:29:03 AM AEST
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Wondeful work! Poweful and very romantic. I do particularly have one tiny suggestion. And I only say this because it makes the poem a little difficult to read. Toward the end it seems you crammed everything together some of the line breaks do not make sense. But this may just be my reading. I loved the write, the wording, and the sentiment enormously, however. A brilliant work that just seems to be slightly flawed in formatting. Though I am the last to say formatting really means anything.
I especially loved.....swaying and conforming with the wind of a thousand blown
underestimating child - like mannerisms that stray in the hollow WOW!
GOOD JOB!
- SCM
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