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Still
Contributed by
wakingdream
on
Tuesday, 1st May 2007 @ 12:19:14 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
There is a shapeless figure in the corner of the room, moving us to look at it. Sharing the space of this room with it, the three of us can feel it twisting and squeezing and fiddling around over there.
We can feel it, and somehow we have to stop ourselves from turning to face it, as if gravity itself is pulling our gaze that way. It's blocking the doorway, and now the fear is unbearable so I bury my face into the wall. I try to go somewhere else in my head, but my thoughts seem irreversibly focused on the corner by the door on the opposite wall.
I hear a scream and I know Paul is staring at it, staring deep into that pure fear. And he looks down and sees a long thin wire, sticking right out of his left atrium. His eyes follow it to a motionless figure underneath the bed-sheets. This is where his dead love is rotting; he knows this, and he screams so loud he goes deaf.
Every sense now is bright and numb, and I won't dare to make a single move, save letting my head sink deeper into the chalky white wall.
It's still. The inconceivable kind of still that permeates everything and hangs the blood, sweat and chalk heavily in the air. Time has broken into wire and shards long, long ago; and nothing, absolutely nothing.
Who am I kidding? I've already looked at it, haven't I?
Copyright ©
wakingdream
... [
2007-05-01 12:19:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Still
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jason_Robert_Britt on
Tuesday, 1st May 2007 @ 01:50:05 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| this is really interesting. would have like to be longer, but i like the descriptions and the metaphors... use more. =) |
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Re: Still
(User Rating: 1 )
by Harsh on
Monday, 12th July 2010 @ 12:11:09 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Good but missing a lil crispiness |
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Re: Still
(User Rating: 1 )
by NovemberMayhem on
Tuesday, 3rd August 2010 @ 11:00:11 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Hmmm...it really painted a picture, but ...I never tuned in to the fear you were trying to portrait. And then the end is so...like you were just trying to end it.....I'm not sure how I feel about this peice. |
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