|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Origami
Contributed by
porcelaincellophane
on
Sunday, 29th April 2007 @ 07:55:58 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
In that cold, heavy pang
An organ –origami
marched like a soldier,
already perished.
Shelved and organized
like cans of tomato soup.
I can still feel you
and the dent in your side.
He takes from compilations,
hard breaths rest on our pages.
The dark weight
of your ashes
-a black plague
now mine.
I am where
flowers are lost,
where the earth is spoiled
-a brown plug,
once taut –clear blue torque.
Copyright ©
porcelaincellophane
... [
2007-04-29 19:55:58]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Origami
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rhei76 on
Thursday, 3rd May 2007 @ 09:06:02 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I thought I replied to this already. Well, I enjoy the way you put your words. good work |
|
|
Re: Origami
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dom on
Sunday, 13th May 2007 @ 05:43:39 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
You have a wonderfully unique way of writing, drawing together lots of abstract images and giving them new meanings.
I enjoyed this one,
Dom |
|
|
Re: Origami
(User Rating: 1 )
by edwynne on
Thursday, 6th September 2007 @ 06:52:41 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
again.. abstract.. which I enjoyed... most the stuff on here is all the same..
He takes from compilations.. wasn't so sure on the use of compilations.. it sounds unpoetic.. constellations would be better.. however I don't know if that would fit in with what your trying to say?
this is so close to genious...
I am where
flowers are lost,
where the earth is spoiled
-"a brown plug,
once taut –clear blue torque".
however.. taut and torque so close to each other doesn't work.. I would try and re-word the it {the bit I've put in speech marks}
I hope you don't mind me commenting on your poem this way.. I always think it better to give a proper review than just to say.. o very good yes hope to read you again soon...
hope you found this helpful :} |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
