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Altitude
Contributed by
keilantra
on
Sunday, 29th April 2007 @ 12:27:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
__________________________
____________
There never was a Spring as cold as this one.
April showers left you cold and teetering
on the brink of jealousy.
You envy things like the wind
that are free to move as they please.
In the dark of dimmed fluorescent lights
your window taunts your fantasies;
tree tops reach towards the grayest of clouds.
If only your hands could reach that high,
but they’d likely freeze.
You nest by-gones and linger on loves long past,
keep you passions to yourself, dear child,
lest someone take it from you.
Close you notebooks decorated in euphoria,
and turn down the blinds to cover the windows
to keep yourself from dreaming up such loneliness
and falling out when you try to fly.
Copyright ©
keilantra
... [
2007-04-29 12:27:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Altitude
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Sunday, 29th April 2007 @ 12:59:23 PM AEST
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this is beautiful, i love your ending..
love n' hugs nessa
roses |
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Re: Altitude
(User Rating: 1 )
by FRANCO on
Sunday, 29th April 2007 @ 01:33:02 PM AEST
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You have penned it wonderfully.
FRANCO. |
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Re: Altitude
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Sunday, 29th April 2007 @ 09:26:41 PM AEST
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| Lovely and yes the ending does catch you.Thank you. |
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Re: Altitude
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 30th April 2007 @ 02:42:17 AM AEST
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Oh kei .. there is such a sadness inside your words ...
I love your imagery and the beauty that surrounds the
discouraged sentiments, but I have to say that I wish we
could, (and would) all dare to fly not as high, but
even HIGHER than we dream. There is so much more
to be caught up in when we soar. We have always had
wings .. we just need the encouragement and confidence
to try ....
Dream on and fly high. From certain altitudes the view
is breathtaking!!
Always a joy to read you.
~Breezy |
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Re: Altitude
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bloodydragon on
Monday, 30th April 2007 @ 11:14:55 AM AEST
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deep and moving words, awesome to read flowing words of wonder.
Excellent poem, great to ponder upon. |
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Re: Altitude
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Thursday, 3rd May 2007 @ 10:26:12 PM AEST
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A sharp and subtle read, this one. I'd trim a few words, but a darn good marrying of human sentiment and seasonal vagaries
(the heart is so fickle, even our own...)
S. |
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Re: Altitude
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 3rd May 2007 @ 11:03:37 PM AEST
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Oh Wow Kei!
Wow your work is never less than superb! NEVER! This is just well brilliant, in every non-YPDC commented cliche! I too have been a dreamer and sometimes (well most of the time that is my downfall). And usually in poetry "realism" is more my enemy than something I would embrace. But the way you convey it here (and maybe it's because I know this is a moment of realism from one who seems to dream as well) is damn poetic! Dreaming can hurt us, we can long for unattainable goals so much that it destroys those things we do have. It can cause us to take some of the wonders we are blessed with for granted.
In each stanza you present a poetic, and deeply artful truth. With each line ending in nothing less than utter brilliance. There are so many wonderful and powerful lines in this. The only confusion is whether you are speaking to yourself or to someone. But that alone is brilliant. Because it mostly speaks to the reader, regardless of your intention.
I think of all that you say that can be interpreted the most interesting is this:
You nest by-gones and linger on loves long past,
keep you passions to yourself, dear child,
lest someone take it from you.
I would never tell someone to keep their passions to themselves, however you clearly CLEARLY state the dangers of passions. And dear poet, all of us on this site (well most of us) are aware of the dangers that come with expressing deep passion. It is a danger. Is the danger worth it? I think this is a question which receives a different answer for each individual. How wonderful for you to place this in a write, which is sure to make us think.
I must also speak on the final stanza. A WOW of an ending! For you have certainly touched the biggest problem, danger, and fear of dreaming too much, of processing one's passions. That fear and danger is loneliness. Yes poet, this is the most dangerous of dangers. And maybe we should never long to fly with the birds, for if we do we will only relate to birds, never to humanity.
Deeply expressive! Thought provoking! Screaming with wonderfully poetic brilliance!
SUPERIOR!
SCM |
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