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No Surprises
Contributed by
Spike
on
Saturday, 28th April 2007 @ 08:45:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
You know how to make me laugh,
and act so indiscreet
but today you have no humour,
and I walk on whispered feet.
Most times you’re so intimate,
we breathe each other’s air
but today you’re cold and distant,
and I’m a heartbeat from despair.
So often you can make me blush,
and turn my eyes aside
but last night you left another mark,
too difficult to hide.
Today into another,
the life I once despised
you know how to make me cry,
but why am I surprised.
Copyright ©
Spike
... [
2007-04-28 20:45:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: No Surprises
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dom on
Saturday, 28th April 2007 @ 09:13:32 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Superbly written, I applaud you!
You have a wonderfully deep understanding of these emotions and you portray them flawlessly, in a way that is easy to empathise with.
My favourite line was 'and I walk on whispered feet.' because it so simple and yet so evocative.
I agree that 'anguished poetry' makes a good topic for this poem.
Hard reading, it is very emotional, but well written.
Dom |
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Re: No Surprises
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Sunday, 29th April 2007 @ 12:55:46 AM AEST
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so sensitive to troubles, so delicate but with silent strength, such daily tragedy for so many; beautiful heartfelt write,
love n' hugs nessa
roses |
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Re: No Surprises
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Sunday, 29th April 2007 @ 02:08:41 AM AEST
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| Each and every line captured me. A very touching piece that allows you to feel the inner pain of the tortured, trusting souls who live it daily.Excellent. |
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Re: No Surprises
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Sunday, 29th April 2007 @ 02:49:34 AM AEST
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Chilling write. (one in which I am familiar with....many moons ago) Those that abuse need help, so they never do it again. It is a tragic thing, when you care about someone and they hurt you so bad. No woman (or man) should ever put up with abuse. This was an excellent write, my friend.
Much peace,
Laura |
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Re: No Surprises
(User Rating: 1 )
by Keilantra on
Sunday, 29th April 2007 @ 12:43:02 PM AEST
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simple words whispered a potent message here, spike. four small stanzas packed with something not so little.
as usual, flawless.
xXx
~kei |
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Re: No Surprises
(User Rating: 1 )
by satanssecret1369 on
Monday, 30th April 2007 @ 12:46:05 AM AEST
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I like the slight imagery this gives. Your wording and flow were magnificent.
--DJ-- |
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Re: No Surprises
(User Rating: 1 )
by priss on
Tuesday, 1st May 2007 @ 01:42:41 PM AEST
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| oh wow, spike, this has touched me and i am nearly left crying. i lived and know of the despair of which you write. thanks for sharing this...it means more than you might know! |
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Re: No Surprises
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 5th May 2007 @ 11:16:31 PM AEST
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S,
I must thank your muse for inspiring you. Your feminine side has a
brilliant wonder about it. : )
I am wowed beyond thought here. I have read poems on
domestic violence before, but none really captured the
essence of the tormented and confused emotions that
wash over when trying to cope with it. That second stanza
is incredibly overwhelming, my friend. Especially,
"we breathe each other's air"
oh wow! How magnificent. But the coupling of the words,
"whispered feet" is just as bending. In another piece,
these could have been so much more romantic and
loving than they feel here. But, WOW, what a torture you have
created by piecing those with the sentiments dripping from
each stanza. Masterful work, dear poet.
The last line is powerfully potent! It just sums up the confusion,
so well, doesn't it? Brilliantly crafted, Spikemaster.
~Breezy |
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Re: No Surprises
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 7th May 2007 @ 03:47:30 AM AEST
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Empathy maketh the poet.
Spike,you capture,here,the essence of much
domestic violence.How do these men switch,
so effortlessly, from tenderness to brutality?
And even more unfathomable.How do abused women love their abusers?
Yes,walking on whispered feet was a masterstroke.
Den |
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