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Untitled for now
Contributed by
anonymussme
on
Wednesday, 25th April 2007 @ 04:35:32 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I desperately just want to run that blade over my skin
Pulling, parting, gliding, slipping
But only with an added ounce of pressure
That tiny taste of what my mental palette used to devour
All the best foods you’ve ever had, wrapped up into one miraculous bite
But careful not to mix and blend the ones that shouldn’t fuse
The sensations racing through my body ever quickly ever fixing
Would they dare to be different than before?
Or are memories distorted after scores of time without release?
The first one during relapse is always the worst
The sting always harsher, the emotions always deeper
Until you reach that point of deadened ecstasy the pain you cause is real
Real enough that if you stop and think
You realize what you’re doing is repulsive
If you stop and think
You remind yourself of all the things that helped you stop
And all the problems this will cause
But if you manage to shut your brain off for a moment
And get past the point of possible return
Everything goes slip sliding out of grasp
It's no longer necessary to express your mental destitution
The bottle inside you has burst and its contents seem to evaporate into nowhere
There is no need to share the feelings you couldn’t articulate
No need to expose your innermost jumbled thoughts to a man that takes notes while you talk but you’re sure isn’t listening
In the end the only thing your new slightly wounded body is feeling is bliss
Is it really a wound and will you put yourself through this?
I sit here late at night weighing the sweet pros and the wicked cons
As long as I’m still thinking I know I’m safe
The only problem is that I’m not sure I want to be safe
All I want to do is forget all the reasons I can’t
And just do it
In the end, the moment of sting felt at the initial break of skin by blade doesn’t hurt
But the grief I’d feel at having to explain the marks to my friends
Isn’t yet worth the instant sigh rushing through my body in sudden liberation
Copyright ©
anonymussme
... [
2007-04-25 04:35:32] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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