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the universe halted
Contributed by
ladyfawn
on
Tuesday, 17th April 2007 @ 01:24:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
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so.... felt like forever, they searched in vain-
'oh when, oh when will i find my heart again?'
she cried,' he is gone like a long dead star!' he
mused,'she feels much closer than ever so far!'
alone, yet love felt so near...
his breathing became shallow, how could he go on?
over asteroids she tripped, swore beneath her breath
unparalleled loneliness gripped each silent soul...
where is my love so i will again become whole!?
what happened to days of 'we'?
eternal darkness of the soul almost unbearable
corporal grief, as in life held pain incomparable,
speculations concerning what lies beyond reach
for hearts in space was no life on the beach.
oh, to be once more entwined...
a certain affinity addressed in one direction
for this was love, universes most powerful affliction,
they, heart of hearts, the soul of souls, mind of minds
felt chagrined, quite lost, as they each floated blind.
balance was attained but found lacking...
traveling timelessly, baffled by confusion, deep in
space, thoughts amuck, taking it all on, careening,
soaking up energy from the fastlane of the galaxy
clumsy as she was, she tripped over something;
and what seemed lost...
melted as softest breath into unfathomable winds...
§* *§
*|*
Copyright ©
ladyfawn
... [
2007-04-17 13:24:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 17th April 2007 @ 02:20:46 PM AEST
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Great work. You go girlfriend.
Big huggs, smiles,
emy |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Tuesday, 17th April 2007 @ 03:04:46 PM AEST
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I agree with emy on this great work.
hugs |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Tuesday, 17th April 2007 @ 04:44:49 PM AEST
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Nessa ... welcome back, quite triumphantly I might add ... what better way to announce your return?
"for this was love, universes most powerful affliction" ... ain't that the truth?
Nazzy ~
(lovin' it !!!) |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crow on
Wednesday, 18th April 2007 @ 12:01:31 AM AEST
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I agree with Nazzy" that is it. and all is right in the universe..I can go to work now!...lol!
excellent write Nessa. Vincent
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Wednesday, 18th April 2007 @ 07:29:28 AM AEST
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Awesome write, very profound. Love is certainly a universal theme. The energy, which creates the power....
Very well done, a powerful write...the impact of words feeds off our energy
Will |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by FRANCO on
Wednesday, 18th April 2007 @ 03:09:57 PM AEST
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The power of love emphasized by very powerful words. A wonderful poem to read and to remember.
FRANCO |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by myheartsvoice on
Thursday, 19th April 2007 @ 10:22:26 AM AEST
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This is beautiful nessa, some thing's are never forgotten. Like ridding a bike, or writting beautiful poetry in the manner in which you have done here. Most lovely my friend. 5stars and a vote for this poem i beleive are in order.
Ben |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 20th April 2007 @ 03:54:34 AM AEST
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Oh my nessa!! This was breathtaking, hun. Positively beautiful in
every way! Your words seemed to float off through the galaxies
themselves as you whisked your readers off on a beautiful and
preciously romantic quest.
I love the passion in this. It's unmistakable and potent.
Beautiful write~
@-->-------
~Breezy |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 20th April 2007 @ 08:52:54 AM AEST
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| wonderful piece of poetry, I loved it , you painted a wonderful picture, this man sighhhhhhhhs , Eddy |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Valerie_Pearson on
Friday, 20th April 2007 @ 10:59:13 AM AEST
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| Nessa, so glad to see you back at it, with such a great write, loves to you, Valerie |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 23rd April 2007 @ 02:54:03 AM AEST
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WOW and WOW and another WOW! This is beyond brilliant, beyond wonderful, this was a masterpiece which the reader can escape and love inside of! TREMENDOUS! Beautifully crafted. There were so many lines in this work that are quotable and stand alone, and together they make a GLORIOUS work of art! Magnificent! Romantic and sweeping. Like a waterfall of emotion cut into breath taking scenery!
he is gone like a long dead star!' he
mused,'she feels much closer than ever so far!'
where is my love so i will again become whole!?
what happened to days of 'we'?
for this was love, universes most powerful affliction, ---- one of the most romantically wonderful discriptions of love I have seen!
BRILLIANT!
SCM |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Thursday, 26th April 2007 @ 09:53:27 AM AEST
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Wow Nessa~
A beautifully crafted and well delivered romantic masterpiece. You never cease to amaze me. The passion, emotion and the exquiste words pour across the page captivating your reader from start to finish.
Flawless~ as is all your work Nessa~
love & hugs,
sue m |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Tuesday, 1st May 2007 @ 08:34:42 PM AEST
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Your rhyme and meter are handled excellently here. I didn't even notice that it rhymed until the third stanza, so kudos to your subtlety! I like the overall message of the poem, but i think you turned a bit sappy in the second and third stanzas and that weakened the emotions you were conveying just a little. For a lesser poet, i'd usually make up my own lines to suggest in lieu of the ones i'm commenting on, but all i can think to say here is that maybe it could have been toned down a bit, but without showing that grand degree of dispair, the rest of the poem would kind of lose its power, so i don't know. Maybe it HAS to be sentimental. I think you've taught me something new about poetry just now.
BZ. |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Tuesday, 1st May 2007 @ 08:34:45 PM AEST
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Your rhyme and meter are handled excellently here. I didn't even notice that it rhymed until the third stanza, so kudos to your subtlety! I like the overall message of the poem, but i think you turned a bit sappy in the second and third stanzas and that weakened the emotions you were conveying just a little. For a lesser poet, i'd usually make up my own lines to suggest in lieu of the ones i'm commenting on, but all i can think to say here is that maybe it could have been toned down a bit, but without showing that grand degree of dispair, the rest of the poem would kind of lose its power, so i don't know. Maybe it HAS to be sentimental. I think you've taught me something new about poetry just now.
BZ. |
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Re: the universe halted
(User Rating: 1 )
by colinb on
Monday, 7th July 2014 @ 04:17:17 PM AEST
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| outstanding write Nessa |
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