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assassin as being tortured by the angelS he doth adore
Contributed by
ferasdour
on
Friday, 13th April 2007 @ 10:34:20 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Into this void
Cold darkness enjoyed
Beautiful creatures seeing
Not with simple eyes
The assassin is forced to hide
From the mind of these beings
The enemy is yet to be seen
For the animosity
Toward the truth
Logically
Death manically
Take over the angelic
Life forms in this land
A cold darkness hand
LOGIC
Copyright ©
ferasdour
... [
2007-04-13 10:34:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: assassin as being tortured by the angelS he doth adore
(User Rating: 1 )
by Gravehorn on
Friday, 13th April 2007 @ 10:53:46 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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K..so...errrr.....sounded kinda cool and all but.... You cant write something as indifferent from common poetic subject matter as that with such few words. It makes it hard to understand what your really trying to say and to get a vivid picture. Otherwise its just empty words that sound cool and ryhme...
...so...I'd say add a few more syllables and try to describe the scene a bit more. |
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Re: assassin as being tortured by the angelS he doth adore
(User Rating: 1 )
by yackerz85 on
Friday, 13th April 2007 @ 11:14:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I like the idea, I just wish you would have developed it more and put some more details into it. The title gives the impression that there should be more to this poem than there is. |
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Re: assassin as being tortured by the angelS he doth adore
(User Rating: 1 )
by ferasdour on
Sunday, 15th April 2007 @ 05:51:40 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| hehehe, i know |
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