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hold on to This.
Contributed by
keilantra
on
Friday, 13th April 2007 @ 09:40:28 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
_________________
There was a story in the way you held yourself, a tale
for the square-ness of your shoulders and hands hidden in pockets,
that I so wanted to know.
But it was the eyes that got me.
Surprised, because I never really noticed
such silly things.
Kindness in such a hard face,
mixed with insecurities and a self esteem low enough
to trip over.
So I took you home, took off your jacket,
and saw the dirt-gray wings
hidden under, pressed to a dark shirt that clung onto
skin and bones.
And your smile offered only honesty
and a night not spent alone.
So you kissed me once,
and though I asked
You wouldn’t tell me why God took away your words;
so I kissed you twice
and gave you mine.
- Then you sang me a song
raw and reminiscent of a time you had been loved
and lost.
We dozed with the rain,
and I found the perfect pillow
in the crook of your elbows.
And I didn’t want them,
but you left me your wings while I was sleeping.
You were up and out before dawn,
Black jacket on and pale as ever.
And in the haze of waking moments, I know heard you say thank you,
but I never heard you say goodbye.
Copyright ©
keilantra
... [
2007-04-13 09:40:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: hold on to This.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Gravehorn on
Friday, 13th April 2007 @ 11:03:13 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I don't usually enjoy poems written without a rhyme scheme because they seem to be more of a story than a poem. Yours on the otherhand was written well and flowed very nicely for the most part. It did tell a story and was very comprehensible. Nicely done. |
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Re: hold on to This.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dom on
Saturday, 14th April 2007 @ 02:25:48 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I absolutely adored this poem for the images and character you create. I was able to empathise with this poem and I was left wanting to know more.
Very good write,
Dom |
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Re: hold on to This.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 15th April 2007 @ 07:42:31 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Oh My God This was Brilliant! WHOA!!!
I read this wonderful work traveling along until I came across a road block that actually struck me in a way that my eyes became glazed with complete awe!
So you kissed me once,
and though I asked
You wouldn’t tell me why God took away your words;
so I kissed you twice
and gave you mine.
- Then you sang me a song
raw and reminiscent of a time you had been loved
and lost.
And though the piece stands as a wonderful magnificent work that is what took the mood and idea from good work Kei, to OH MY GOD THIS WAS BRILLIANT! Wow, that basically floored me. What a tremendos job young poet! You never cease to impress.
BRAVO (a thousand times)
- Daniel |
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