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Is Anything Sacred Anymore?
Contributed by
raging_bull13
on
Thursday, 12th April 2007 @ 07:23:10 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I was walking down the road today moving about aimlessly trying to find my way
I saw young girl who was maybe seventeen
her clothes were little and her eyes were mean
bruises were evident on her body also in her soul
the devil had her by the had but would not let her go
as I passed her by I felt the coldness of her heart seeing a young girl so pretty and smart
I'll never understand how a decent girl becomes a whore
As I sit and wonder " is anything sacred anymore?"
Copyright ©
raging_bull13
... [
2007-04-12 07:23:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Is Anything Sacred Anymore?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Gravehorn on
Friday, 13th April 2007 @ 11:32:14 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Once again I enjoyed reading your poetry. This one also had very nicely done rhymes that stayed on topic. The only thing that I would suggest is that you split lines one and 6 each into two lines, giving it a more dynamic flow. Also the wording in the second half of the first line was a bit awkward sounding. Other that, it was very well done.
P.S. Im assuming 'had' in line 5 is suposed to be 'head' |
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Re: Is Anything Sacred Anymore?
(User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on
Friday, 20th April 2007 @ 08:44:22 AM AEST
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| well done |
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