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Bullets Are Meant For Guns
Contributed by
FallenNeko
on
Tuesday, 3rd April 2007 @ 07:46:26 AM in AEST
Topic:
AmericanTragedy
|
*BANG*
The trigger is pulled,
The heart shatters like glass,
The blood runs down,
Like dew on the grass.
*BANG*
The blood stops running,
The heart skips a beat,
The sounds stop coming,
Like the sound of defeat.
*BANG*
The eyes gloss over,
The life was the cost,
The world goes on,
Like nothing was lost.
*BANG*
The body grows cold,
The pavement grows stained,
The blood dries up,
Like the sounds and the pain.
*BANG*
The killer walks,
The gun never found,
The justice not done,
Like a watch un-wound.
*BANG*
The process repeats,
The killer does kill,
The victims shot,
Like they had no will.
*BANG*
The killer grows weary,
The fun is gone,
The game is over,
Like it's time to move on.
*BANG*
The killer's dreams,
The victims doth haunt,
The killer goes crazy,
Like the victims he shot.
*BANG*
The dreams to much,
The killer kills once more,
The gun to his head,
Like his body on the floor.
*BANG*
The justice was done,
The lives were the cost,
The world still goes on,
Like nothing was lost.
Copyright ©
FallenNeko
... [
2007-04-03 07:46:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Bullets Are Meant For Guns
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 3rd April 2007 @ 04:18:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Sad but so very true as life is at times.
I luv the way you just laid it out there.
good work.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Bullets Are Meant For Guns
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Wednesday, 4th April 2007 @ 03:33:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I like the repeated "BANG" in between each stanza, but if each of those is supposed to represent a new person killed, I dunno, the distance you give the killer in this poem makes it read kind of cold and heartless. I'd like to see some more emotion, maybe a motive, maybe some reaction from somebody the victim knew, or if the world truly does go on like nothing is lost, like if the killer specializes in killing lonely hermits with no family or freinds to miss him, then maybe point that out, and this could become somewhat of an ode to the unnamed fallen. Whatever you had in mind, details would give this poem a lot more impact. Still, a fun concept, nonetheless.
BZ. |
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