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Funeral
Contributed by
butterat_zool
on
Sunday, 25th March 2007 @ 01:00:26 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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On my way to lunch today,
I encountered a funeral procession.
Pulling my car over
to join the other motorists
in paying respect,
I watched the mourners ride by
and realized “I’m going to be late.”
Copyright ©
butterat_zool
... [
2007-03-25 01:00:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Funeral
(User Rating: 1 )
by FRANCO on
Sunday, 25th March 2007 @ 02:47:24 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Very realistic after thought, very human and emotional too.
Short but very good.
FRANCO. |
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Re: Funeral
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Sunday, 25th March 2007 @ 07:39:00 AM AEST
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| The last line can mean I'm going to be late dying or getting back to work...neat. Paying your respects..was worth it. |
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Re: Funeral
(User Rating: 1 )
by Neo-Theatre on
Thursday, 29th March 2007 @ 06:37:09 PM AEST
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The Neo-theatres;
The initial line screams "Iambic meter" of some foot, even though it isn't in any.
I would have broken the line after 'Motorists', and probably have found a way to eleminate 'in paying respect' which is to a degree redundant, insomuch as the respect payed is implicit in the action of the cars pulling over.
The last line is of course the crux of the whole poem. If a poem is going to be a one trick pony such as this, that trick better be good-and in this instance it is. Very clever.
There is no way to eliminate these " " from the line as it stands due to correct grammar. They do diminish the impact of the pundit however, as they provide the reader with a hint, or clue to the double meaning of the line. To poetasters such as the Neo-theatres, it intially smacked of being condescending-however, again grammar dictates that the line must stand as it does unless you are to make some major alterations.
A fine poem. Succinct and clever.
TNT
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Re: Funeral
(User Rating: 1 )
by yangdantien on
Friday, 30th March 2007 @ 01:01:56 AM AEST
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For this reader this post evokes the feel of Haiku
especially under the author's note.
However:
"No one on their deathbed ever said: I wished I spent more time at the office" P. Tsongas
All else aside I love it when they write themselves.
Peace
Yangdantien |
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Re: Funeral
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Monday, 28th April 2014 @ 10:43:52 PM AEST
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that's about as real as it gets, i've done the same myself,
hugs n' love nessa |
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