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The Holy Servant
Contributed by
FRANCO
on
Sunday, 18th March 2007 @ 11:39:58 PM in AEST
Topic:
insomniac
|
Grew-up as a bunch of youths in a dumb
witless booth, mindless-chaos a firing
fun to chose, listened to a fanatic fancy orator
slyly paced his way into our fallow hearts.
Blindly persuade mind heeded
not to the heart’s way; carried nasty
guns, which we though was, fun and marched to
cleanse the world by holy fanatic fancy fundamentals.
One led to another and us, now a bunch
of nomadic wanderer counting heads
Of the slain million brothers perished
because of that one fanatic fancy orator.
A confused men that we are, are we a sinner? B’cause we
strangled lives to perish, or a saint, ‘the God’s servant?’
-FRANCO-
Copyright ©
FRANCO
... [
2007-03-18 23:39:58]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Holy Servant
(User Rating: 1 )
by GingerB on
Monday, 19th March 2007 @ 12:05:40 AM AEST
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Interesting write.
Ginny |
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Re: The Holy Servant
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Monday, 19th March 2007 @ 03:13:20 AM AEST
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This is bad poetry. Your list of accusations aren't backed up by any substantial details, and the million deaths you describe occur completely without consequence. Why not back your point up, with imagery, facts, symbolism, or anything at all?
BZ. |
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Re: The Holy Servant
(User Rating: 1 )
by FRANCO on
Monday, 19th March 2007 @ 07:44:38 AM AEST
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My dear friends this not a journal it is a poem that comes from the heart. If you are a person from this world and belong to the same period you must know what I am referring to and where millions are dieing in the name of fanaticism and fundamentalism.
FRANCO. |
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Re: The Holy Servant
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 19th March 2007 @ 10:54:24 AM AEST
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There is a pain and a sadness in this that
cannot be ignored, my dear friend.
I have not the words ...
peace and hope ~
~Breezy |
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Re: The Holy Servant
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Monday, 19th March 2007 @ 11:25:04 AM AEST
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| My apologies. I wasn't trying to suggest that these people aren't dying or being motivated to die through fanaticism or fancy oration, I meant that you stopped your poem without describing why it mattered that they are dying. What are the consequences? It has to matter in order to give the reader something to care about, either on a global level, as in "a million people died and now there's a global war for religious supremacy that's sucking the life out of the human collective" or more locally, as in "millions have died, including my uncle frank, one of the nicest people ever". I want to care, but feel robbed of a reason to do so. |
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Re: The Holy Servant
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 20th March 2007 @ 11:21:37 AM AEST
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That "Butter" type person should think before they speak in the written word of someone's work. And maybe even invest a little time to read other works of the author to get a sense of who they are and where they're comin' from. Franco, I enjoyed how you captured the pain, frustration and realization of the misled in this piece. I applaud you.
wabl
KenMoore
cowboy |
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Re: The Holy Servant
(User Rating: 1 )
by MisfitMe on
Wednesday, 21st March 2007 @ 08:17:40 PM AEST
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Outcome rarely concerns its w/ blame & I tend to think that if in this we can learn to do the same, we might delve more deeply into, "why" & begin to heal the source instead of merely treating its manifest symptoms by pointing our fingers...I'm sorry, but my comment was fueled somewhat from other comments made & I think I'll quit while I'm ahead, teehee.
Thoughtful & provoking!
BigLove
~me |
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Re: The Holy Servant
(User Rating: 1 )
by MisfitMe on
Thursday, 22nd March 2007 @ 04:04:15 PM AEST
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Sorry, but in revisiting your write, I noticed an oopsey in my comment that renders it almost w/o sense, soooo, I'd like to correct myself in that...
"Outcome rarely concerns its w/ blame"
was meant to read...
"Outcome rarely concerns itself w/ blame"
I hope that makes a wee lil' bit more sense now...
~me |
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Re: The Holy Servant
(User Rating: 1 )
by Elizabeth_Dandy on
Saturday, 24th March 2007 @ 11:28:05 AM AEST
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Asolutely beautiful Franco. Enjoyed greatly.
But oh, the servants of the Lord are to "Rejoyce Always"
So sorry not to have thanked you for your gracious comment to the Findling; Was sick and calamities occurred on this side.
Took a big toll out of me.
Thanks a lot for posting this inspring poem, but "Rejoyce" (I'll put something up on the theme.)
Blessings in abundance
Elizabeth
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