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Lights
Contributed by
yaknowrobbie
on
Monday, 12th March 2007 @ 08:46:59 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
That one word changed the whole night
She had seen it through the window
She had seen the lights
People started to panic
"Pour it down the drain!"
Things were getting manic
"Calm down guys" said the girl with nothing to loose
"Keep on partying"
She was an ignorant fool
Another girl passed out and things became more heated
Get her some water quick
If shes going to throw up keep her seated
I went into the corner to see how she was
I looked back at the wall with a red and blue light
the reality hit that I could be caught and just might
The light was coming from a disco ball
It was then I realised how nervious I was
I couldn't be caught now! I only had a god damn buzz!
No this isn't fair, I don't do this alot like this other guy
Who don't care about the consequences
cause they won't cause him to die
Me on the other hand could get kicked
Off my school team,
Ruin my reputation, Ruin my dreams
Loose the trust of my parents who
Always thought me smart
But all this could be lost and torn apart
They tried to keep me from leaving
fearing I might get caught
I told them I wouldn't and we verbally fought
I had enough it was time to go
I stepped in my car eyes dilated
But there was enough that had been debating
My fate was no longer in my hands
It was past my time to stay out
Got my unsober best friend who I not forgot about
Driving had never been so scary
Thank god there was no cop at the end of the road
My life would have become alot less merry
This was not how I had planned my saturday night
How lucky I was not to leave in a car
With blue and red lights
Copyright ©
yaknowrobbie
... [
2007-03-12 20:46:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lights
(User Rating: 1 )
by fish on
Tuesday, 2nd February 2010 @ 03:31:37 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
it is quite a poem with a message, but the poem would have been much more appealing if the diction is more compressed. most part of the poem is narrative and the author, in some instances, forgot to use quotation marks efficiently.
this poem could make one of the most important poems in education curriculum, it just needs to be edited.
try checking out my own poem and let me know what you think.
thanks |
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Re: Lights
(User Rating: 1 )
by Anaztasia on
Saturday, 20th February 2010 @ 12:38:43 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Correct punctuation, in this case, would've made a HUGE difference. Help the reader pause - where needed - for a greater understanding of the story. |
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