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Flames of Freedom
Contributed by
needledancing
on
Thursday, 8th March 2007 @ 10:21:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
drugabuse
|
Click to enlarge
Tattered and torn the clothes on her back,
Head held proud, face of pain.
Never spoke once of the burned down shack,
The sleepless nights spent in the rain.
Collecting the thrown away items of man,
Selling her buttons and tins.
Never speaks much of the high demands,
As the body she inhabits grows thin.
A smile hasn’t traveled once over her face,
Her body fatigued to the bone.
No friends has she made in this desolate place.
Her fear that she’ll die all alone.
No grief does she carry for the fate of her life
No regrets or no manner of shame.
For the cruelest of beasts had made her his wife.
Now all she bares is his name.
Copyright ©
needledancing
... [
2007-03-08 22:21:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Flames of Freedom
(User Rating: 1 )
by Live2Die on
Thursday, 8th March 2007 @ 10:56:44 PM AEST
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In the third stanza, I'd have used "her body is" and "her fear is", but thats just me.
Excellent execution, and even better story. Heartwrenching, and yet simple. |
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Re: Flames of Freedom
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Friday, 9th March 2007 @ 12:00:33 AM AEST
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Well, I ... wow !!!
Let me thank you ... first ... for finding me and announcing yourself ( so to speak ), and second ... for capturing my attention at first glance.
That last line is a dual meaning and a half ... that is what I find most appealing in poetry ... the multiplicity available and the uncertainty of which meaning the author intended.
Well penned !!!
Nazmythian ~ |
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Re: Flames of Freedom
(User Rating: 1 )
by yangdantien on
Friday, 9th March 2007 @ 12:27:33 AM AEST
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I know this woman when her beast died she shrugged it off and acted like he never so impinged she traveled around as much as her pocket could spare and only spent the last 7 months of her life in morbidity. She wore is name like a tee-shirt which identifies 'I Survived his ilk and all I ended up with is this shirt'
The pain here is a fact of this occurring more often than we think.and so in line with elements that capture me personally.
Excellent
Peace
Yang
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Re: Flames of Freedom
(User Rating: 1 )
by Malcolmsdreamgirl on
Friday, 9th March 2007 @ 04:34:26 AM AEST
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painful yet beautiful
Iliked the ending ....
Dee xx |
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Re: Flames of Freedom
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rhei76 on
Friday, 9th March 2007 @ 12:51:48 PM AEST
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Pain she carries
Pain she knows
made her stronger
than any one should have to endure
By the choices she made
the pride of decission
rather be alone to pay the pentance
of all the pain i've scattered
than to hold you close
and use you to help me thru
i've been wrong for so long
just because i look better
doesn't mean i won't bring you down
these flames of freedom have made me
and although i'm broken and fragile
i will not break you and drag you thru this world with me
these flames of freedom leave me alone
free of lossing anything that should of meant the world to me
being free is the consequence of my actions
i know i don't want you to feel my tornment
this pain i live is for me
but it is for you
so you can look at these lines on my face
where you can see the cracked skin around my bones
and you can say
That Won't Be Me
i did it for the world
to learn
but i failed
the danger over came me
leading me into the darker sides of town
here i learned of pentance
and grew happy to pay
for the pain
those flames that took me to freedom
i got nothing to lose
but i wont take you to |
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Re: Flames of Freedom
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 12th March 2007 @ 01:32:27 PM AEST
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I love your syntax, needle! It gives power and emphasis to the underlying theme and story of your work and it's so enjoyable to read --- out loud.
wabl
KenMoore
cowboy |
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Re: Flames of Freedom
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 5th April 2007 @ 06:29:55 AM AEST
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WOW is simply not enough! Very sad in the beginning but so motivating for the reader who hopes more for the subject with each line and a trimuphant, yet almost sad ending. All in all this shouts of Freedom and passion. The cruelest of beasts....that's one whom would hold captive something which is untamable and true. You are quite the gifted poet, and have made a fan this day in me!
Liberating!
- SCM |
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