|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
The Vision of a Shut In
Contributed by
yangdantien
on
Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 01:39:44 AM in AEST
Topic:
Tributes
|
Emotion is hotter
than the sun.
Guilt in its duration
traverses a terrain,
scorched deep desert,
the badlands of being.
March on with broken lips
slipping over
dunes of blame,
parched heat bends the will,
a pressure of mirage,
wavers
as wages of sand
shift into smoldering glass.
A thousand month
journey dislodged
at tapping keys,
a stairwell descended
in diapers while sitting,
embracing the box
and dreams of others,
woven in seams
through days a blending.
Forced hysterectomy,
a womb without a view,
some 30 years earlier
without her permission.
She longs to step
on the cracks of her mothers back,
where most of her life happened.
Sky alters the melting mobs
most following orders,
obeying rules,
crossing in blinking greens & reds.
Glide the breezy
cosmopolitan lady,
recounting ivy upon
burnt brick a climbing.
Now a lament of ash
round urea mists
breath held down with head,
hand muffles cough and voice
to climb the spires high
wind licks forehead,
tussles locks of hair.
Her view of
ancient mounds built
over our lives
that settle in layers,
whole moments of laughter and pain
everything we know of feeling
gathers in thin veins of silt,
years become conveyor.
Minutes specify hours,
bullets master plans
the tumult of town,
changes channels,
wild florals ever beckon.
A fist of joy
in the spring of
glad hellos,
arises in the garden
of light and shadow play.
Iris petals curl
in bright colors,
transforms the spirit
in sudden
moments of awe,
grasped by remote or
pressing enter.
Her last notion:
We are mirror cracked shards,
my mind is an ampule
of smelling salts,
broken by death
to awaken my soul.
AJPIII
To protect privacy please note the top photo is generic and a Grand Mother is all deserving reverence each word is of value and an unheralded antique
Copyright ©
yangdantien
... [
2007-03-06 01:39:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by FRANCO on
Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 04:38:45 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A heart filling poem, a true tribute for the loved one.
My friend, grandmother's soul shall surly rest in peace for having a grandson like you.
peace.
FRANCO. |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 10:31:54 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
a very heart felt write.. such eloquent wording.. beauitfully done
vampyress jenni |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by MisfitMe on
Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 03:01:18 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I very much enjoyed this write as a whole, but, I fell in love w/ these words in particular...
"A fist of joy
in the spring of
glad hellos,
arises in the garden
of light and shadow play."
& even more specifically, I could write a hundred poems around your, 'garden
of light and shadow play'...if you would but grant me leave?*wink*
BigLove
~Moonmaidenme |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by thumper on
Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 06:47:15 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This was a deep write. I enjoyed it very much. I treasured my grandmother. I took care of her till she passed a couple of years ago. She, too, didn't go anywhere the last couple of years of her life. This write touched me deeply.
Peace to you,
Thumper ;o) |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on
Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 09:59:01 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Beautiful flow |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by priss on
Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 09:59:34 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| captivating from beginning to end...a beautiful piece indeed. loved it! |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 11:24:58 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I've worked many years with seniors and I can never get over the strength and wisdom that they teach me.I am always saddened that they live together so long and the differance life without their mate makes. It's like only half the soul is left in their minds. Good write. |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Wednesday, 7th March 2007 @ 07:13:22 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
WHat a lovely write, for someone, whom they loved dearly. Yes, grandmothers, or what I called both of mine, nannies, are wonderful. I lost one of mine to cancer 4 yrs ago, and the other to altzheimers, 3 yrs ago. They were my best friends.....Just losing someone who holds a place deep in the heart, hurts. We do know they loved us, tho. Beautiful write, as all your writes inspire. all to create more and more.
Hugs
Brew~ |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Wednesday, 7th March 2007 @ 10:57:39 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A beautiful tribute. I could see and feel so much about this wonderful lady. AJ you are amazing indeed.
Peace and hugs,
Laura |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 8th March 2007 @ 11:42:11 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This magnificently written masterpiece for grandmothers universally grips the readers to rememberances of our own grandmothers and recalling how we mindlessly wrote them off as "shut ins". I think I'll wallow in my guilt a while and then go pray to my grandmothers in heaven. This was powerful!
wabl
KenMoore
cowboy |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 8th March 2007 @ 06:41:42 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Omigosh AJ .. the imagery in this is outstanding!!
That first line is so plainly ingenious. Let me say, in all honesty,
I wish I had written that!! Damn fine observation, AJ, as
are the words that so clearly outline an emotion of a soul.
The last stanza is amazing!! Esp, the last two lines. Good GOD!
What a notion indeed! A most pleasing write.
~Breezy |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by SilverDagger on
Thursday, 8th March 2007 @ 11:23:45 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A fitting tribute to a lady who inspires!
My grandmother (mother's mum) was a brilliantly talented lady.... she taught me so much when I was little. Sadly, I write in the past tense because her mind is no longer with us. After multiple strokes some years back, she is a mere shell of her former self.
I'm sure you've made your grandmother proud by writing this! |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Thursday, 8th March 2007 @ 11:34:32 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
To this ... "To protect privacy please note the top photo is generic and a Grand Mother is all deserving reverence each word is of value and an unheralded antique" Damn Straight !!!
I wish I had known my Grandmama better ... and gotten to say goodbye.
To this ... "Forced hysterectomy,
a womb without a view,
some 30 years earlier
without her permission.
She longs to step
on the cracks of her mothers back,
where most of her life happened" even a man such as I ... can sense and feel the import.
An impressive write ... many fabulous lines.
A 5 from me ... I'll come back and vote again to make up the difference of what I think it should be.
Nazzy ~ |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 13th March 2007 @ 07:59:40 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| That was a beautful poem that you have written. Very well done! |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by trueecho on
Wednesday, 14th March 2007 @ 10:06:39 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
from the title i thought u were talking about me :)..what a wonderful picture..you dont mind if i save it under radgrandma? thanks for your dedication
trueecho |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Thursday, 15th March 2007 @ 04:25:49 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This is one of the most well-rounded, thoughtful, reflective, honest, and loving tributes I have ever read... I am sorry for your loss.
And this:
a Grand Mother is all deserving reverence each word is of value and an unheralded antique...
Bravo! This was a treasure to read --- thank you for sharing.
~Scorp.
|
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Friday, 23rd March 2007 @ 12:39:42 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A heart felt write.."we are mirror crack shards...to awaken my soul"
great concluding stanza. venkat |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Friday, 23rd March 2007 @ 03:24:48 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Dearest AJ~
I see I have so much to catch up on. It's been a while, yes, but I am so pleased to have stopped by your pages today my dear friend.
This outstanding tribute of yours brings back fond memories of my Grand Mother~ I only wished I got a chance to say good bye to her~
My dearest poet, your amazing poetry always touches the readers heart and soul. Every single word written and every line are perfectly penned. A treasured masterpiece~ Thanks for sharing it with us.
as always ur fan/friend,
sue m |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by artjunkiekyle on
Friday, 23rd March 2007 @ 07:26:34 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
absolutely beautiful. despite being so heavy this poem is wonderful for the eyes to behold. thanks for all your insight through comments. BEAUTIFUL!
-kyle |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Monday, 26th March 2007 @ 02:29:56 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
very nice
Now a lament of ash
round urea mists
breath held down with head,
hand muffles cough and voice
to climb the spires high
wind licks forehead,
tussles locks of hair
that is so great
hugs |
|
|
Re: The Vision of a Shut In
(User Rating: 1 )
by MandiLee on
Saturday, 7th April 2007 @ 06:09:02 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I love this poem it is so sweet! your a brilliant writer! |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
