|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Deathbeat
Contributed by
AmandaChartrand
on
Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 12:39:24 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Passionate affection in the soul of the beholder , given off as a potential cold shoulder. Cries deepen, a whisper on a sound. Take me dissapear me for i shall not be found. Let me hear the heartbeat of the ghostsounds wound. And let me see then where i shall be doomed. God let the blood be damned back into my paranormal veins. Arteries so deeply cut i shall nomore feal worthless pain. Let the hopeless wind blow the red liquid dry. I, my blood, wimpering in cold frost dust; cry if it hurts insanely. My spine is quiverish and squemish my heart is jet pitched shivering against my poisenous blood; really i would live if i could
Copyright ©
AmandaChartrand
... [
2007-02-25 12:39:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Deathbeat
(User Rating: 1 )
by yangdantien on
Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 01:27:59 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hmm, a definite poets striving with heart and talent. Consider formating with structure to enhance the pace of where you are taking the reader.
Run the spell check and I am a big fan of reading it aloud as a part of the editing process.
The way the end reads 'really I would live (love) if i could"
had me rereading. Keep the pen flowing.
Good Job
Peace
Yangdantien |
|
|
Re: Deathbeat
(User Rating: 1 )
by The_Unknown on
Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 11:21:14 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This is a good poem, you've got talent.
But, consider formating it different.
Love the poem.
-Jess |
|
|
Re: Deathbeat
(User Rating: 1 )
by blackroses_bleedinghearts on
Sunday, 6th December 2009 @ 03:21:33 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
like the other two said, consider formatting it a little differently. like a two or four lines for each rhyme. other than that, i love it.
it describes without fault how i have been feeling for the past week |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
