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Mardi Gras (In Memoriam)
Contributed by
Butterat_Zool
on
Friday, 23rd February 2007 @ 04:55:25 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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For the nation’s biggest party,
they come drunk,
they stay drunk,
they leave drunk.
A thousand new lives are made,
asking naught of paternity;
brawls dot the littered streets;
police scurry from one dance floor to the next
praying for peace or sanity;
and dozen die,
crushed by parades, self-poisoned,
battered and knifed, or trapped in cars,
----ed to pieces and bleeding,
upside-down on I-10.
Copyright ©
Butterat_Zool
... [
2007-02-23 04:55:25] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Mardi Gras (In Memoriam)
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 06:26:40 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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You posted an excellent critique on my poem,
and I feel I should do the same for you.
The first strophe; while completely free of abstraction, it is essentially not poetry, but dialogue. Moreover, It tells me little, and it strikes me that or arriving at a party drunk, or leaving a party drunk is too obvious to warrant comment.It is similar to saying water is wet.
"A thousand new lives are made"-How?
This is essentially an observational poem, so while it is angled to be reasonably interpretable, it lacks the imagery that would let me appreciate what is happening in a more dimensional way, and therefore it is too readily accessible, or what some might call "telly", or a journal article.
I will post a response to your comment (which was excellent, as I say, and I hope to get a few more from you of that calibre) on my latest submission, which I would appreciate you taking the time to read.
Thankyou,
larkspur.
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