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Motion
Contributed by
untitled
on
Tuesday, 20th February 2007 @ 09:20:55 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
red
the beautiful spill
it puts me in motion
i feel it flowing in me,
my vains
streaming
gentily along
on motion
i stop this motion
this orderly, disgusting motion
i break it
it gushes,
spurting out
of order
i put it in proper motion
i feel a different motion
it isn't pain
it's proper motion
i don't want inproper motion
one after the other.
a scadule
numeral, alfebetical
i'ts discusting
improper
unlifelike
life isn't one after the other
it's ramdom
so when i feel this unrandom
improper order
i set it in motion
proper motion
i cut, till it's proper
Copyright ©
untitled
... [
2007-02-20 21:20:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Motion
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rhei76 on
Tuesday, 20th February 2007 @ 10:37:04 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Love the statement at the start.
You did well on this
I have found that this topic just spills onto the page. And what you have is a nice structure of emotions flowing to the top. most arent dark
but I feel there's no shade without light.
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Re: Motion
(User Rating: 1 )
by Live2Die on
Tuesday, 20th February 2007 @ 10:43:37 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I feel as though much of the poem is lost because of the use of improper spelling...but I'm just a stickler for spelling.
Otherwise, I love the poem. The idea and emotion you have simply spreads itself along the page, flowing through the words.
Nice write. |
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