i usually try my best to find the one true answer
Contributed by
ZforZachariah
on
Friday, 16th February 2007 @ 02:31:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
is it because i killed those birds? that their soul has now come to haunt me after i hunted them?
is it because i tortured that kitten, because i myself was a tortured soul with no way out?
is it because i hate myself for being the way i am?
is it because i remain in a constant state of stagnation waiting to die?
is it because i feel like i'm about to explode any second because i hate my situation?
is it because that guy at the arcade thought i was a thief even though i was telling the truth?
is it because i want to be one of the cool guys but never was?
is it because i want to conquer too much even though my nature is one of peace?
is it because i have a mental disorder that i do not want to admit to?
is it because every time i loose in anything, i just want to kill?
is it because every time i see a beautiful girl, my heart just melts away?
is it because i have two people in my subconscious vying for total control?
is it because im too much into astrology and has succumbed to my stars' destiny?
is it because i still haven't given up after 14 years, still trying the find the answer?
is it because i sacrifice everything for the answer even though it still hasn't come?
is it because i feel i can achieve something in this world that i can be proud of?
is it because my uncontrollable urge to torture and kill those that slight me in the slightest?
is it because i won't admit i'm just a looser and probably will always be a looser?
is it because i'm too shy to speak to girls even though i want to give them all i have?
is it because i don't know what's going on and is just lost?
is it because i take everything and anything from everyone and anyone all the time for my whole life?
is it because i want to kill myself so much and just disappear from this world but is unable to do so?
is it because i want to fly away into nothingness?
is it because i am just nothing?
is it because i don't believe in god?
is it because my ambition is too high?
is it because i was born cursed?
am i really in control of myself, or is this all scripted, just a virtual program beyond all of our imaginations running according to its script, where everything is perfect and that i am just given the illusion of free will. You wicked people, why do you do this to people.
i'll tell you what the hell it is, i'll explain to you what it is, can't you see it? can't you feel it? you can not stop it, you can not help it, god can't stop it, heaven cannot contain it, goodness can not influence it, evil can not control it. it is you, it is the answer, it is destiny, something that you cannot deny, but you try to deny it everyday of your life, stop DENYING ME STOP DENYING ME YOU CANNOT STOP ME!!!!!!!! LET ME IN!!!!
who are you?
i am you, i am something that has always been here, is here, and will always be here. i am everything you see feel do think eat smoke drink dance to sit on lay on see feel grab stare love die. i am that computer, that word, that noise, that girl, that guy, that god, that buddah, that temple, that mountain, that universe, that monk, that water, that air, you, your mom, your dad, you deceased grandfather, shakespear, newton, napoleon, hitler, bill clinton, george bush, brain cells, volume control, snow, rain, acid, dirt. i am everything. i am reality. i am it. it is me. i sometimes change, i sometimes don't. i am always here, i am time, i am that smallest gap of time when the second hand ticks one click. i am that thug who killed that innocent clerk at the gas station, i am the bullet that entered into his heart, i am the heart that received the bullet, i am that innocent clerk who was shot, i am the ufo in the sky, i am the alien from outer space, i am that dollar in your pocket, i am everywhere, you cannot escape me, i am from the year 5545664555, i am from the year 654145564163452435, i am from the year 54534154bc, i am everywhere, i am everywhere, i am everywhere, i am everything, i am everybody, i am a constant, i am one, i am many, i am buddah, then i changed to jesus, then to you, then to subway, don't you understand? everything you see is me, everything you think is me, when you look into that person's eyes, you're looking into yourself, what do you see? me! you! it all one, i am without boundaries. don't try to free yourself because you are already free, free yourself because you are not free, hesitate because you are free yet you are not at the same time, now what do you do, doesn't matter, because everything is everything is nothing is that thing is everybody. kill that kitten, protect that kitten, go halfway, eat that hamburger, become fat, work at mcdonald's, lie to her, tell her the truth, loose your temper and shoot him, control yourself and remain calm, just take it like you always do, go to the movies, go watch tv, go curse your self, sit in a chair, stand up, type rally fast, type medium fast, type slow, be funny, be lied to, who cares? i care ok, doesn't make a difference, what i don't get it i don't get it, why not, don't you see, that's why its so confusing don't you see why you don't understand it because you understand yet you don't understand, its very complicated, actually its very simple, its sick, no its slick, no its dull, IT IS EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME 24/7 FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND BEFORE TIME AFTER TIME ALL THE TIME.
so now what?
a cat winked at me
Copyright ©
ZforZachariah
... [
2007-02-16 14:31:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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