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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	08-November 21:21:39 AEST

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Silver Striations

Contributed by daniella on Friday, 16th February 2007 @ 12:36:33 PM in AEST
Topic: SecretLove

And i could always imagine a field
The golden wheat a cold blue in the twilight
The moon sheds light enough to see and he waits for me
His eyes reflecting the soft light

It’s easy to be delusional
When it’s so damn cold beneath the sheets
When there’s nothing of anything to touch

And there’re people making love
In all the right places
Ohhhh I want him to love me too much

Ooooo oh ba dah dum

It was never enough to love his eyes
If the silver striations won’t glow
And if I reach out my hand
It won’t change preordained constellations
That are never too faded to show

Without you I could never go

And I could always imagine an ocean
The surface rippling to pieces just to mend
The moon pulls at the sea and he waits for me
A ship swiftly sailing in a night devoid of wind

It’s easy to be crazy
When you’re always on your knees but never ever to pray
When there’s nothing to love

And there’re bodies stealing warmth from each other
For all the wrong reasons
Ohhhhh I want him to miss me too much

Ooooo oh ba dah dum

It was never enough to love his eyes
If the silver striations won’t glow
And if I reach out my hand
It won’t change preordained constellations
That are never too faded to show

Without you I could never go

Copyright Â© daniella ... [ 2007-02-16 12:36:33]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Silver Striations (User Rating: 1 )
by yangdantien on Friday, 16th February 2007 @ 03:21:24 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

There are some very good elements here and I could only add a small amount of polishing and a bit of omission may really make this piece jump up and sparkle.

Good Job

Peace
Yangdantien

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