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melodies from within

Contributed by amateurwriter on Tuesday, 16th January 2007 @ 11:08:05 PM in AEST
Topic: Haiku

From within myself,
Those beautiful melodies
I choose to evoke.

Copyright © amateurwriter ... [ 2007-01-16 23:08:05]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: melodies from within (User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on Wednesday, 17th January 2007 @ 02:56:33 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I think you're looking for "evoke" in the last line.

It's none too bad, but it misses some of the characteristics which make a haiku. 5-7-5 syllable structure is not all you need; there's juxtaposition, where two of the three lines are separated from the remaining line by use of a semicolon. I'd encourage you read up a bit, there are some good books on haikus, though unfortunately none come to mind.

Keep it up.

Andrew

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