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Absurdity
Contributed by
Alex23
on
Tuesday, 9th January 2007 @ 07:49:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
What's the problem? I'm patient, but against my true nature.
Why should I even care? Well, it's the mind that truly cares.
I can do as I please, but I won't. I won't. Power must overcome
all the nightmares.
You must, almost consciously, dig in yourself to do this. Power, in
most cases, is not just given. If it is, it will not remain.
To have power is to have control. We must be in control.
Otherwise, life will consume you. The truth can sure be a shame.
We must be aware...I must be aware. We say we make our
lives according to other people, other situations, other circumstances. But, it's the mind that dictates action.
Gaining and losing control, essentially, is aquired in the same way.
It's the power to gain control over our own mind that, in the end, gains satisfaction.
If I'm stating the obvious, you might say, then tell me why the world is in
chaos. Tell me. Why? I say losing individuality is the crumbling foundation.
Blame it on life, go ahead. Time will not stop. Don't rely on time.
Rather, use it. Take control. In this sense, my patience can only bring about devastation.
Copyright ©
Alex23
... [
2007-01-09 19:49:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Absurdity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Zajabalaj on
Wednesday, 10th January 2007 @ 04:44:36 PM AEST
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Dude, that's awesome! Right there shows truly where power lies..I completly agree, by the way lol! Your first crack is better than mine, I think!
~Z~
p.s. thanks for the comment :) |
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Re: Absurdity
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Friday, 12th January 2007 @ 01:52:08 AM AEST
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You do have a great deal of talent.
Yes I also once again agree with the wisom within the verse...... If only we could have many other together thinking in the same manner for awhile the world would make a swift change for a better tomorrow.
I myself dont play the role of the puppet person I do my own thing and think my own way am never with the group so to speak like a clone with vacant eyes and a mind full of marbles. Whoops sorry am rambling again.
this is good work!
~Michelle~ |
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Re: Absurdity
(User Rating: 1 )
by HoneyCat on
Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 12:09:05 AM AEST
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this is so moving
you have a knack for using words
please, don't stop |
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Re: Absurdity
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 09:22:32 AM AEST
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Good message and good first poem. :)
My only real criticism for you at this stage (and not against this piece, but in general) is to try to experiment with various styles of poetry - different constructions and methods of conveying your thoughts. You can stick to traditional methods or make your own styles up, but never settle for something you yourself don't like.
Having said all that, welcome to YPDC and I hope you enjoy your stay. |
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Re: Absurdity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 05:19:39 PM AEST
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It's focused and well-worded, but the tone used is, well, it's more or less that of conversational English, and therefore has a tempo to it that doesn't really stand out. A sparer writing style using less fully-structured sentences would help to make individual words, the really important ones, stand out in the reader's mind. Experiment with such; there's a balance to be reached, but often just a slight inclination in the general direction helps a lot.
Keep it up!
Andrew |
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Re: Absurdity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Clarity_Rising on
Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 09:52:04 PM AEST
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Excellent poem, you very creatively
explore the different dimensions of
the human mind. Great work!
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Re: Absurdity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Angelic_Demon on
Monday, 15th January 2007 @ 12:30:05 PM AEST
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| Hmm... the message was very clear. Over all I love it :D Great first poem. |
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Re: Absurdity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alison on
Wednesday, 17th January 2007 @ 07:16:01 PM AEST
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| good first poem for sure! umm try a little more and great start. |
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Re: Absurdity
(User Rating: 1 )
by MickeyPigKnuckles on
Thursday, 15th February 2007 @ 10:48:47 PM AEST
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Alex23, Let me begin by saying welcome here and I certainly hope you enjoy your stay and connect with many great people. Your poem is awesome and the content of the message is right on as most folks in society are or become conformist to civilaztion, basically puppets. Its really sad to think our society is shaping this way but the facts are facts. Now, Thank you for creating a poem with a message that pertains to so many within our daily lives and thank you for sharing a moment of time together as you being a wonderful author and myself being a hungry reader.
Mickey Pig Knuckles
 [imageshack.us] |
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Re: Absurdity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sena on
Saturday, 17th March 2007 @ 08:58:08 PM AEST
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| I liked this...it made me think a bit. Thx for sharing Alex. Keep writing...you're doing great! |
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Re: Absurdity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Janet on
Saturday, 17th March 2007 @ 09:13:50 PM AEST
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Interesting write...made me think
Janet |
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