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Razorblade Roses
Contributed by
Ruby2sdy
on
Saturday, 16th December 2006 @ 03:25:53 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Sweetheart; don't look me in the eye and lie;
Don't paralyse me with your gaze,
As flowers bloom, Spring is near,
Yet my mind remains, in a Winter haze;
Lovers lie on blankets,
Of freshly fallen leaves,
The wind sends a chill right down my spine,
As suddenly, it breathes,
Don't believe the stars; they cry,
Until they, in darkened corners die,
Until roses grow in snow-covered glades,
Until their petals cut skin, like razor-blades.
My heart beats out an echo,
Of a distant song of sorrow,
It seems that in my soul I know,
That song belongs to tomorrow,
Unshed tears and unshared smiles,
Unworn shoes, and un-walked miles,
Cover the ground between you and me,
Like pebbles cover distance between shore and sea.
Copyright ©
Ruby2sdy
... [
2006-12-16 03:25:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Razorblade Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 16th December 2006 @ 01:01:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very fast paced poem, with a really nice flow, and with feelings I can definately relate to. I especially enjoyed the last four lines. Well done! |
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Re: Razorblade Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by thefemalemind on
Saturday, 16th December 2006 @ 10:11:30 PM AEST
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I love the beginning:(1)
Sweetheart; don't look me in the eye and lie;
Don't paralyse me with your gaze,
and(2)
Don't believe the stars; they cry,
Until they, in darkened corners die,
Until roses grow in snow-covered glades,
Until their petals cut skin, like razor-blades.
My heart beats out an echo,
Of a distant song of sorrow,
you could make a great poem starting with 1 ,
and a great poem using 2. all three 'stages' though dont flow correctly.
that may be the effect you want, but it was confusing for me,
as the reader. its got potential, its just jumbled. |
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Re: Razorblade Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by SoUR_GuRL67 on
Sunday, 17th December 2006 @ 08:43:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
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not sure what the above comment was talking about, I understand it perfectly and I think this poem is absolutley B-Eautiful !
K |
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Re: Razorblade Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Sunday, 17th December 2006 @ 11:29:56 AM AEST
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Ahhhh this was tender but heart-wrenching. As I suppose is the title....mixing razorblades and roses. I really loved these lines
"Unshed tears and unshared smiles,
Unworn shoes, and un-walked miles,
Cover the ground between you and me,
Like pebbles cover distance between shore and sea."
Spectacular piece you have there. Thank you for sharing.
Peace, Laura |
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Re: Razorblade Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Honey56 on
Sunday, 17th December 2006 @ 01:15:32 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Great poem
honey56 |
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Re: Razorblade Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 19th December 2006 @ 09:28:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Masterful use of metaphor and I loved the title, as well as the poem. Excellent write!
wabl
KenMoore
cowboy |
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