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…I WONDER
Contributed by
saj
on
Tuesday, 21st November 2006 @ 12:48:43 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I wonder what the future stands for me…I wish I can look through it so I can see…if I had made the right choices recently…I sit with my self and think about it daily…would it be a routine everyday…or same old like yesterday…
Would it be gloomed with darkness…or would it shine with happiness …
What if tomorrow never passes by…just thinking about it makes wanna break down and cry…but hope is what keeps us alive …what keeps us going in times when we failed but tried…
With loved ones and friends who stand by your side …and beautiful memories that would never leave your mind …with good deeds you’ve done with effort and pride…and blessings given to u from a god who’s so kind…
You live and learn something new everyday…until u become a different person u were yesterday…its funny when u stop and think…as a child u wanted everything…And how those lil dresses u wore as a kid…can no longer anymore fit…its scary how time fly’s so fast…that your present seems so close to your past…
I wonder about my destiny …and what lays ahead of me… but I pray for the good …and ill do all that I could … and every moment I will seize…as long as I will breathe… and what ever is waiting for me…I will welcome so openly …
Copyright ©
saj
... [
2006-11-21 12:48:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: …I WONDER
(User Rating: 1 )
by annoiosa on
Tuesday, 21st November 2006 @ 01:00:53 PM AEST
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| awww...that's very nice...I often think about that kinda stuff too! Then I start to get kinda worried so I stop and remember that God has our lives planned out, and whatever will be, will be :) |
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Re: …I WONDER
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 22nd November 2006 @ 02:45:20 AM AEST
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Not bad, not bad. It flows pretty well, and the thoughts are close to all of us, very accessible.
You should refrain, though, from conventions like using 'u' for 'you', as it doesn't convey the kind of care that should be in every poem (and is suggestive of many who don't have a care in the world for words or their importance). Also, you could be sure that your sentences use the right tense consistently (the line "and ill do all that I could" uses future positive tense for "I'll" and a kind of conditional tense for "all that I could". Using a consistent tense would be "I'd do all that I could".
Keep it up.
Andrew |
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