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This Familiar Night
Contributed by
Trauma
on
Saturday, 18th November 2006 @ 08:18:12 PM in AEST
Topic:
SecretLove
|
I am never quite sane at night
Thoughts of you are on my mind
Just thinking of you in that blue shirt; you looked so small and lovely
Thoughts of you in that white dress are too painful to bear
Yet my heart betrays me and I can think of nothing but
What was that noise?
I get up to check
It is nothing, as always
I look out my window, squinting my eyes
I can almost see her
I can almost see her….
The thought of you coming to me in the night, needing me
A foolish dream but I can’t help it
I wonder when next I’ll see you
This phantom hope disappears once I close my eyes
I sink deeper into my chair
Maybe I’ll call you when day has rescued me from this familiar night
I’ll call you and you won’t answer
That is the promise of tomorrow
That I can count on
That and the certainty that just when I think I’ve figured you out
And that I can live with the fact that you aren’t going to love me, you always surprise me
Just when I think I’ve reclaimed what’s left of my pathetic, little life, you decide to show me some affection that would make me so happy if they didn’t open new and more painful wounds
Because I know that we are going to play this old painful game, all over again
I try to believe that finally, this time, you will open yourself to me, and we can explore the world, together
With Love being what we could find
You find new ways to break my heart every day, and you’ve found another
Am I just a random thought that drifts in and out of your mind from time to time, or is there something else there?
That is the mystery I will contemplate tonight
I wonder if you ever think of me
If fond feelings of affection ever enter your thoughts as you try to find sleep
If somewhere in the deepest recesses of your heart, an image of me rests there
A sad smile crosses my face as I drift away
I am never quite sane at night
Copyright ©
Trauma
... [
2006-11-18 20:18:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: This Familiar Night
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Monday, 20th November 2006 @ 02:29:48 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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This is not a bad piece - it's very honest and human, and lyrical as well. But your style veers later on as you try, I think, to say too much (the subject matter desires you "say it all", but this is hard to reconcile with poetry, as it brings in such a broad array of things which could be explored if they were given front and center). I'm not suggesting you restrain yourself from writing these things, quite the contrary, but a specific detail or item is a better thing to base a poem on than a whole general feeling or situation.
Keep it up, and hang in there. Life brings good things, but we need to be in fit state to receive them, and I think we rarely are without alteration in some way or other.
Andrew |
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