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Impulsive
Contributed by
suupjordan
on
Sunday, 12th November 2006 @ 11:46:17 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Haste has exchanged with me
Many a word.
I have paid Him what was due.
I have bled from every lashing
In the light of every hue.
In the downfall of my being
He is introduced as new.
As I'm jumping in
To scarlet sin
In the depths of what is You.
Spare me, for once,
Spare me.
I have done all I could do.
Resistance is suppression
So I still follow You.
Copyright ©
suupjordan
... [
2006-11-12 11:46:17] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Impulsive
(User Rating: 1 ) by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 12th November 2006 @ 12:17:58 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Now this I like!
It doesn't immediately occur to the reader (least not this reader) that you carried a single rhyme all the way through the piece. I noticed as much on the second read - which means, of course, that I was far too distracted by the words and their meaning the first time through (which is, of course, ideal).
Nice work here. I'm glad I didn't miss this one.
~Snemmy
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Re: Impulsive
(User Rating: 1 ) by twick on
Sunday, 12th November 2006 @ 12:55:41 PM AEST (User
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You really have talent. I hope you actively pursue writing. This piece I read like four times over and over. I really liked it. |
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