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daytripping

Contributed by lostrelic on Thursday, 9th November 2006 @ 12:08:00 PM in AEST
Topic: abstract



are we ready for the dance this cosmic lightfoot
a slow waltz longing with sadistic overtones
scraping humanity off the cold path
dancing in places that never will last

dug in tight our city tumbles and sways
hearing the old breath slowly rasps and fades
remembering places when happiness was tasteless
feeling in darkness when time becomes wasted

seeing you walk in slumber chills
crushing ice with nimble steps
fighting tears that cover the eyes

dreams like bitter tears crumble in your wake
heavens given all they can to you
but you bend and break the walls
and make our city crumble and fade





Copyright © lostrelic ... [ 2006-11-09 12:08:00]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: daytripping (User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on Thursday, 9th November 2006 @ 12:33:34 PM AEST
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Your writes always flow I like that.

loved this line
dreams like bitter tears crumble in your wake.

Michelle


Re: daytripping (User Rating: 1 )
by trini on Friday, 10th November 2006 @ 09:38:40 PM AEST
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I agree, this flowed really nicely. it was the title that caught me. im glad i read it.
thanks for the great write.
keep up the good work
-Trini


Re: daytripping (User Rating: 1 )
by Cathi on Thursday, 23rd July 2009 @ 03:28:03 AM AEST
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The poem reads like a beautiful dark dance. It draws you in; you don't want it to stop. The final word ends it nicely - not really ending the dance but rather "fading" it to the background.

Cathi




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